My Life As A Pancreas

A D-Mom's Shopping Cart

2012-02-05T23:53:00.000-07:00

This is what a D-Mama does at midnight while waiting for a BG to come up:

Shop on Amazon.

For what, you ask?

Skin Tac and Ninjago, of course. Something to try to keep the pods on, and a little, teensy-weensy bit of bribery.

Panic

2012-02-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

Let's just say I have a very active imagination. Especially when it comes to my children. And I can get overdramatic VERY quickly...

Recently, I've been allowing Adam to have some playdates NOT at our house (with folks that aren't schooled on diabetes) and I was feeling pretty okay with it. Adam can recognize how he feels (most) of the time and he's pretty darn good at bolusing himself with his PDM. The 2 other times I've allowed this, the mom has called me on the phone when he's hungry, she puts us on speaker and he tests and boluses for whatever snack he's going to have. Perfect, right?

Yesterday after school I tested Adam (124!) and sent him on his merry way with his friend and told the mom to call me when he's hungry and we'll do the test/bolus thing over the phone.

So, I'm busy with Sydney and her playdate and then Sydney ends up going over to another friend's house to play and I'm alone. I look at the clock and realize that almost 2 hours has passed and I have not heard from Adam. I quickly call over to the house to check on him and there's no answer. Then I call her cell phone. No answer.

Okay. I'll just wait a few minutes. I know they had to go pick up the boy's older sister at school.

So I wait a whole 4 minutes before I start dialing again.

And nothing. No answer anywhere.

As the minutes click by, I start to panic and pace the house. I start re-dialing like a certified lunatic. I even called her husband to see if he'd heard from her (but thankfully he didn't answer!) A half an hour goes buy and the thoughts that are racing through my head are ridiculous, but at that moment totally plausible to me.

What if they got in a car accident? The mom can't respond...no one knows Adam is diabetic. No one can see his OmniPod...he doesn't wear a bracelet...OMG, he's probably crashing because he's been playing and his BG before was 124...what if he's passed out already...what if.....

Then my husband walks in the door and I start bawling. Like SOBBING because I can't find Adam. And of course, something terrible has happened to him.

Luckily, not 2 minutes later, the mom calls and says, "Sorry, we stopped at Sonic...was that you calling my cell phone over and over??"

****cue huge sigh of relief as a try to sound like I haven't been crying****

So I said, "yes that was me and can you program my number into your phone??" LOL. Adam's BG was 156 and we bolused for his Sonic slushie and corn dog (minus the corn, of course. Because really, only my child would order a corn dog and peel the breading off.)

Moral of the story? Moms of diabetic kids panic WAY more than normal when their kids are out of their sight. I cannot tell you how awful and out of control I felt. I love letting him have that freedom...but I'm obviously not ready for more than that yet.

We'll be having a lot of playdates over here from now on.

Ooof.

2012-01-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

Well, today was Endo day around these parts! I have to admit, I had no idea what the visit would bring. No clue what his A1c was going to be.

That's where the "ooof" comes in.

This time his A1c was 7.7%. Which, if you may recall, is almost a point higher than he was last time (oh, that lovely 6.9. How I miss you!)

So, that's a bummer. But, I knew it wasn't going to be as good as last time. You've got the holidays thrown in there plus an entirely new insulin delivery system, going from Ping to Pod. Plus? He grew an entire inch in the last 3 months. Needless to say, I'm not surprised with our result.

Still, I said "Ooof" out loud when Dr. H told me his A1c. He laughed and said, "Really, that bad, huh?" His Dexcom graph from last week was a HOT MESS, I tell you. I said that out loud, too. :) I even had little red arrows on it, explaining all of our HIGHS and LOWS. Just so he doesn't think I'm a totally inept D-mom, you know.

We made LOTS of changes. Basal and I:C ratios. He is now at 1:14 for the morning mealtime hours and 1:16 for the afternoon/evening hours. Which is a pretty big jump, so I am going to have to be on his numbers like white on rice these next few days.

And for those interested (I always am!) here are his new basal rates (for my 60 lb., 4 foot 1 inch 5 year old!):

12am: 0.30
4am:   0.35
7am:   0.40
12pm: 0.45
6pm:   0.40

So there you have it. Our report card for the last few months. It certainly wasn't pretty, but I'm confident (sorta?) that we can get better from here.

Mom's Gold Star*

2012-01-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

This has been an interesting diabetes week in the Drew household. We've had low lows and high highs. But things have gone swimmingly thanks to my new buddy.

For those of you who have followed our journey, you know of my intense love/hate relationship with Dexcom. It just never worked well for us. We'd get 2 or 3 good days out of a sensor, then ??? or a sensor error.

This little wonder? Has been SPOT ON. I mean, numbers matching EXACTLY what his PDM says. For an entire week! So this is what y'all rave about!! We've finally experienced Dexcom nirvana after a year and a half. Usually we lose control with Dex after a fast drop or a fast rise:

Not this time, baby! Dexcom actually did what it is supposed to do. It helped me see this wicked fast drop, then allowed me to treat before he dumped further than 94 and he leveled off in the 140's for the night.

This week Dex was much needed. Adam had to go under anesthesia on Tuesday for an eye procedure, and Dex was right there, which the anesthesiologist loved. I was able to see that he was dropping before the procedure, so I could effectively temp basal (no food/drink after midnight) and I saw a slight rise in BG from his anxiety right before and after. We also had a cannula pop out yesterday (hence, that HIGH on the Dex above!) and while I rage-injected...I was able to head off the impending low.

The planets aligned for us this week. No, D didn't behave (it never does) but at least this week I had an extra friend to help me out with it.

Dex, won't you please be good forever? I promise I'll give you lots of gold stars. :)

New D-Mama Alert!

2012-01-21T11:36:00.000-07:00

I just found Melissa's blog - Shots for Sugars - and wanted to have y'all go over and give her a big DOC welcome! Her 3 year old daughter, Sierra, was just diagnosed late last year.

Welcome, Melissa! I think you will find the diabetes online community to be a wonderful place full of great people, stories and advice. Having a little one with diabetes is tough - us d-mamas have to stick together!

OmniPod Update!

2012-01-15T22:14:00.000-07:00

You know how it's been a long time since you've blogged...and you keep meaning to do it, but then you can't think of anything to say...even though you have a lot to say?

I guess that's what they call "writer's block," eh?

Anyway, I was reminded that "I really need to blog about OmniPod" after reading Kristen's post today about their switch from Ping to Pod.

So, it has been exactly 1 month since we started podding. Dang, it seems like it's been A LOT longer than that! Because I think I totally grew some grey hairs during this past month. The good news is that podding is finally going really well. Really well. Aside from those pesky post-pod-change highs (I'm still too squeamish to go full blast on the temp basal, but it bites me in the ass every time) things are evening out.

We had quite a few pods rip off for various reasons - I swear, my kid just has a knack for pulling out insulin pump sites. But, now we've realized that tape is a must (Hypafix seems to be working well for now) and if we do that - we're golden for the full 3 days. I also bought an arm band from Bands 4 Life, but he doesn't love it so much. His favorite site is still his belly. The 2 times we've tried his rear end, we've gotten blood in the cannula, so I think we may have a "clencher" on our hands. :)

There were plenty of times I was ready to drive over the pods with my car, and slap his Ping back on him, but I'm glad we stuck it out, because Adam loves the OmniPod. In fact, he has become so much more involved in his own care than I ever thought he'd be at 5 years old. Last week, I was upstairs and he asked for a snack. I was busy, and I said, "Not now - just wait until I can come down and bolus you." And he says, "No ma....I can do it!" I hesitated for a split second and then I thought, what the heck? So he yelled to me that he was going to have a granola bar and told him to bolus for 17 carbs. And he did it!! Of course, I ran right down to check, and I saw that it was delivering the appropriate amount of insulin. He was so proud of himself! He liked it so much, the nurses at school have had to practically wrestle the PDM away from him so THEY can practice bolusing him! It has given him great independence and a sense of ownership over his diabetes that I think he didn't have before.

I was also able to let him go to a playdate at a friend's house the other day - I know the mom fairly well, but she had never cared for Adam before. She called me when Adam wanted a snack and he tested himself while I was on the phone with him, and then bolused for the snack! I had done the calculation in my head, and double-checked with the mom that it was delivering the right amount. It was another great milestone for us.

So, I have to say that now, I do love OmniPod, mostly because it has given Adam a lot more confidence in handling his diabetes. Now, granted, I do 98% of the finger sticks and bolusing, but it is great that he has an interest and CAN DO IT if he needs/wants to!

In December, we realized our transmitter was NOT working well on the Dexcom. Fortunately insurance paid for a new system, so we are using Dex again. And it has been spot on for the most part, which has been a comfort during this transition period.

Adam sees the endo here in a couple of weeks and I'll be curious to see what his A1C is. If I had to guess, I think it will be up a bit, since we had a rough go the last few months.

So, that is our update. Hopefully it won't be another month before I blog again... :)

The Verdict?

2011-12-27T00:10:00.000-07:00

Well, we've been "podding" for 10 days now.

Do I like it? Yes.

Do I love it?

No.

After being on the Animas Ping for a year, and having our own struggles with that, I wasn't naive enough to assume that switching to OmniPod would be smooth sailing. But I did have a teeny, tiny hope deep down inside that it would rock our world (in a good way, of course!) I didn't expect a bent cannula, blood in the NEXT cannula and a ripped-off pod in the first week alone.

I have come to the following conclusion: All artificial insulin delivery systems suck ass in their own special way.

**groundbreaking, right?**

Sigh. Don't get me wrong. The pod is super neat. I ~~like~~ love the PDM. The bright screen, the intuitive software. It's awesome. I'm working around the lack of IOB just fine (although, he's been so dang high, that has NOT been an issue.)

There are a few things working against us, I suppose. It's been an exciting week (Did ya'll hear that it was CHRISTMAS??!!) He's complained of pain in his legs, which always mean GROWING pains, which means basals probably need to be increased.

I put his Dexcom on him for the first time in months, but it's been giving me the ol' three-question-mark salute every night when I need to see what is going on. We should have a whole new Dex system arriving tomorrow, since our warranty expired on the old one and I suspect our transmitter is just kaput.

Do you guys ever just feel like saying F&%$ it, and go back to shots? Because man, MDI seems so much easier at the moment. There are fewer variables. You KNOW the insulin is getting in. There's no bent cannula/blood in cannula/ripped site or pod crap.

So the verdict is in. Pumps are a wonderful tool in delivering insulin, but they are all far from perfect. Adam, on the other hand, enjoys being free of the tubing so much, that we are going to keep "podding" along until we get it all figured out.

2012, please be kind.

Last Year...

2011-12-10T08:44:00.000-07:00

Last year at this time, we were waiting to start pumping with the Animas Ping. Our pump start date was January 7th...who knew that exactly a year later, we'd be switching to OmniPod? I guess it just goes to show you that you just never know what life has in store for you...I'm trying...slowly, but surely...to accept that I simply cannot plan ahead, no matter how hard I try. Going with the flow is something I've had to learn quickly since Adam was diagnosed.

I was reading my blog entries from last December:

I still feel like this is all a dream I am going to wake up from. I read your blogs…I identify, I relate and then I sit back and go whoa…this is me. This is my life. This is HIS life. He has a disease. It is not going away. And I still can’t fucking believe it. I had a great talk with a friend last night and I think I haven't quite reached the acceptance stage yet.

All I want for Christmas is to feel normal again. I want to go back to the person I was 4 months ago. No one likes the person I am now, least of all me. I am changed. Our family is changed. And while in the future, I may see some things as a blessing, I don’t feel as if we are changed for the better and that hurts.

Parenting is the single thing that brings me to my knees on a daily basis. Even before Adam’s diagnosis, you walk around each day as a parent, wondering how you are going to screw them up that day.

Parenting a diabetic child and his sibling is even harder. I know you all understand.

Do I feel any different this December? I suppose a little bit. I'm not mourning (as much) what was lost. The fact that my 5 year old will never know life without insulin, will never not bolus before eating...will always carry this burden with him until a cure is found. I pray and hope he doesn't grow up seeing it as a burden, but I know there will be times that he feels it is.

I was reading Wendy's blog post from today, and got a pit in the bottom of my stomach at the thought of sending Adam off to a playdate, 20 minutes away....with someone who knows nothing about diabetes care. And she did it! She trusted Sugar, and wow....my hope is that I can do that someday too. :)

Some things are different for the better this year. I have a full year of d-care under my belt. I've become a master at guessing carb counts. I know how to navigate Adam's pumps and I can do a site change in no time flat (which will be even faster with OmniPod!) But I still stress that I don't know enough. When to change his I:C ratios...basal rates. I've learned to ask for help. I email his endo when I'm lost...we try, try, and try again until we see some semblance of "normal" numbers.

I still bristle when people ask if his diabetes is "under control." I get tired of explaining over and over and over again that YES he can have candy, we just have to cover the carbs with insulin. That NO he did NOT "get" diabetes from eating poorly, that it's an auto-immune disease that was in no way his fault.

I'll make a little d-mom confession here...one of the reasons I'm excited about the OmniPod is for the same reason Adam is excited: no one will know. And if no one will know? Then I won't have to explain over and over and over again...

And to close out this random, highly scattered post...I just want to send a shout out to all the d-mamas out there. I have learned MORE from you all than all the doctors we've ever seen. When we need supplies? This community is there to share what they have when others need them. I'm continually amazed at the wonderful generosity and spirit that we all share. ((hugs))

And the glassybaby goes to...

2011-12-08T18:56:00.000-07:00

Ha! You thought I'd say it right away? Tee hee...

I should have posted this earlier, but Adam has been sick with a nasty cold and we've been enjoying some nice daytime naps. Haven't gotten anything done the last few days, but snuggling with my boy and the kitty has made for some cozy afternoons. And I've watched more Big Time Rush episodes than I care to admit...let's just not talk about that, mmmkay?

So, I had 9 entries...which made the chances that much better for all of you that entered. :) I printed out the comments, cut them into strips and put them in Adam's hat:

And then....he picked one!:

What...you can't read that? Damn camera - I focused on that cute face with the red, runny nose. Here's what it says:

It's WENDY!! Wendy, Wendy, bo bendy, banana-fana fo fendy...me my mo mendy...WENDY!

Sorry...not sure where that song came from. Must be feeling goofy tonight!

Wendy, my friend, you are our winner. Yay! Email me at mylifeasapancreas@gmail.com with your address and I will send it to you. Luckily, I don't have to send it far. :)

On that note, we have been busy Clark Griswold-ing our house for the holidays. One of the perks of having an 8 year old is that I didn't have to decorate one of our trees - she did it all by herself!

We also have another "helper" this year:

Yeah, she's not much of a help. She's pretty much un-decorated the bottom of each tree. She's too cute to be mad at, though!

And for kicks...I have to share this ornament that Adam made last year. I LOVE it and he HATES it. I keep finding it upside down behind the tree. Then I promptly put it back up, front and center.

It makes me chuckle!

In other news...our OmniPod has arrived! We've got pods, a PDM and a nervous mommy. We aren't training until the 16th (my choice) so that we can get used to it over Christmas break before I have to re-teach his nurses what to do.
That's the news from here...time to put my little rugrats to bed. Tomorrow is FRIDAY...yay!

A Giveaway!

2011-12-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

I have a little giveaway for my wonderful DOC peeps.

It's not a pump pack or a medic alert bracelet or juice boxes. What is it, you ask?

It's a lovely little something just for you:

It is a "Hope" glassybaby.

Here is the description from glassybaby's website:

hope

I live in hospitals and crowded school rooms. I'm there when planes and teenagers are late coming home. I am the future and people give me to those they care about. Some of those people refer to me as the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am hope

I am glassybaby

Never heard of glassybaby? I hadn't either, until my sweet momma got me one last year. glassybabies are beautiful, hand-blown glass cups that can be used for a variety of things - a bud vase, votive holder or even as a drinking glass. They are gorgeous, heavy, and cast a beautiful glow when you light a tea light inside them. They are all unique and one-of-a-kind, handmade pieces of glass.

The best part about glassybaby? They are a charity-driven organization. From their website:

"At the heart of glassybaby is our mission of goodwill donating hundreds of thousands of dollars to charities dedicated to health, healing and quality of life, thereby helping to provide a safety net to those in need. So many stories begin and are fostered around these little beacons of hope. Creating memories, gifting and receiving, lighting and sharing, our community is strengthened and supported by glassybaby giving. As a company, we are determined to stay true to our mission, we are grateful to our community for sharing in our journey, remembering that as each of us moves through our own story, it is our own voice we must listen to, it is our light that must shine."

Love that!

I use my glassybabies for many things:

On my mantle - oh how I wish the blue glassybaby was called Hope (for diabetes)! This one is called "Fortitude."

Our Thanksgiving table - all of my mom's glassybabies with flowers! Beautiful.

Today, my mom and I are giving a Hope glassybaby to one of you. So you may light it, feel it's calming warmth...and some hope when the night is dark and the numbers are not so great.

So, leave me a comment! Please include your name! The giveaway will run through midnight on Wednesday, December 5th. I'll print out the list of comments and have Adam draw one out of a hat!

**This post is not sponsored by glassybaby - my momma purchased the glassybaby to giveaway to one of you!

Are We Pod People?

2011-11-29T15:25:00.000-07:00

Adam has had a rough go of it the last few months. He's always been my happy-go-lucky kid, even after his diabetes diagnosis. Lately, he hasn't been so cheery. He's been sad, mad and angrier than I've ever seen him. Maybe it's being 5 years old. Maybe it's not.

We saw his pediatric ophthalmologist for his bad eye last week and got some bummer news. He has lost some of the vision he has gained in that eye in the last year. Why? Because with the diabetes diagnosis, we let patching slide. There are only so many things in a day that I'm willing to fight my kid on - and diabetes came first. He's been patching since he was 9 months old, and frankly...I didn't have the extra energy to force him to wear a patch that he hated for 2 hours a day.

Well, guess where that got me. He went from 20/40 vision in his contact lens eye to 20/60. His doctor was NOT pleased and has ordered patching for 5-6 hours a day, plus another exploratory vision check under anesthesia scheduled for January.

Now, in addition to having issues with diabetes lately, and being just plain upset about it, he's mad and angry at me for forcing him to wear a patch for all of his waking hours when he gets home from school. He's PISSED.

As in me chasing him around the house, having Jason hold him down while I put a patch on, having him rip it off over and over until he succumbs to his fate.

It's heartbreaking.

He doesn't want to be a kid with diabetes who wears an insulin pump that everyone can see.

He doesn't want to be a kid who has to wear a contact lens and a sticky, annoying eye patch over his eye for 5 hours a day.

He doesn't want to be different. He just wants to be a kid.

With that said, we are embarking on a new adventure, mostly because he wants it. And nothing else has made him happier since he tried on the Omnipod last week.

We met with the rep last week, who came over and discussed the Pod with me, my husband and my parents. We all asked questions, we all got to test it out. We did an actual insertion on Adam and boy, did he think it was cool. And as an added bonus, he seems to think it doesn't hurt as much as the Insets.

Am I nervous? Hell yes. Have I had second thoughts? Absolutely. I've been awake at night more often than usual worrying about this. About re-training myself. About re-training the nurses at school (I feel totally guilty about switching pumps on them now that they just got the hang of the Ping.) I even got to chat with Hallie on the phone and she answered ALL my questions about switching from the Ping to the Pod. :)

Thankfully, I have the comfort of knowing we still have the Ping and can go back to it if we want to.

But, I am willing to sacrifice a few things for a happier kid. There are so many things about his life that I cannot change. I have to tell him way too often, "I'm sorry...you don't have to like this, but you HAVE to do it."

I'm also hopeful that the fact that it is more user-friendly will allow me to get "out" a bit more. My mom thinks it is so much easier to use, and since she is our only babysitter...well....that rocks.

So, I hope you will all hang with me as we begin this new adventure. We got the go-ahead from his endo yesterday, (after a lecture on how "the grass is not always greener on the other side!") the paperwork is in, and now we just wait for our pods to arrive and schedule training.

Yikes.

Thankfully Overwhelmed

2011-11-23T19:09:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a mixture of emotions tonight - both completely overwhelmed and thankful at the same time. I'd love to feel just CONTENT, but that would be too much to ask for, right?

Stressed about prepping for Thanksgiving at my house, hosting 24 people.

     But thankful to have so many friends and family to celebrate with, beautiful weather so we can eat outside, and lots of yummy food.

Had a minor freak-out today when we completely ran out of test strips...even after raiding Adam's lock-down kit at school.

   But completely thankful that his 3 month supply from Medco arrived today, the day before a holiday weekend.

Stressed that we are choosing to switch insulin pumps.

     But thankful that we are able to CHOOSE and have the ability to switch things up when needed. Did I mention I'm stressed about learning a new system? But I'm excited. And stressed...and excited...and so on.

Overwhelmed that we have a child with diabetes...that we have to make these decisions and it's all on our shoulders.

     But thankful for the invention of insulin, pumps, and that Adam can live a healthy, happy life and we can manage it.

So much to do tomorrow...

     But really thankful that my mom brought over some wine for Thanksgiving dinner a bit early. Sorry mom...I had to break into it. Good thing the stores are open tomorrow....heee!

I'm also terribly thankful for the DOC. Y'all know who you are, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me through the past year. HUGS...and Happy Thanksgiving!

Leaving his mark

2011-11-22T20:44:00.000-07:00

I went up to Adam's room the other night and this is what I saw on his dresser. He'd "tagged" his glucose tabs with his name. I literally laughed out loud - that kid is so funny. Despite diabetes, he still does typical 5 year-old things, like writing his name on everything he can. :)

Ya know what ELSE I hate about diabetes?

2011-11-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

As if there isn't enough to hate about it...

But one thing has been bugging me this week. As a caregiver for a diabetic child, I often feel so alone in his care. And I'm not talking about "alone" in the sense that I don't have support from my family and friends. (And the DOC, of course!) I do. It's just that diabetes is the kind of disease where there is no set treatment plan. There's no 1 + 1 = 2. And let's face it. I'm a girl who likes a clear plan.

There are so many variables. While we all have our endocrinologists, and they can give advice on what to do...they don't always have the answers either. They can't say, "Do this and it will fix it." Half the time I feel like I'm the one driving his treatment and it's a scary place to live. I ask for advice when I need it...but often I'm still left here, drifting in the wind, trying whatever comes to mind to try and "fix" what is wrong with his blood sugars.

I try and try and try different things until I'm left with a cardboard boat, patched with duct tape...sinking faster than I can keep it afloat.

I hate having to make major decisions regarding his care alone. People and doctors can give advice, but it comes down to what we, as his parents think is best. Isn't that scary? It really is to me.

Today, again, he had a bummer day at school. His site pulled, he had a hard time pricking his finger because the Multiclix was stuck, he wanted to get out to recess, but his BG was low. And he cried. He told the school nurse he wished he didn't have diabetes. That made me sad.

I want him to be happy. I want to make this easier for him. I will do whatever it takes to allow him to play like a regular kid and not have to worry about all of this stuff so much. It's my job to let him feel as free as he can, and if it means investigating another pump after only using the Ping for a year, we'll do it. I was completely opposed to it a month ago, but after seeing him break down today, I'm open to it.

This is all so hard. There is this huge neverending-ness to diabetes. Even when you think you have it all figured out, you just don't.

New Pump on its Way!

2011-11-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

I still have no idea what is up with Adam's blood sugars...judging by the numbers, his endo thinks something isn't working. Animas says it is. BUT the moment I mentioned that the little plastic cap on the radio button came off (gotta love 5 year olds) she said, "Well, we have to send you a new pump because it's no longer waterproof!"

And really, even though he's only been pumping since January, his pump looks like it's been through WW3. Seriously...the sand alone that gets in that thing. I have no idea how pumps are supposed to last 4 years on small children. Wild ones, like mine, that is!

So, we shall see. One thing that really made some sense was regarding his infusion sites. He uses the 6mm Insets, and honestly...he pulls on his sites A LOT. She said that the tugging is enough to remove that short cannula from it's place without being obvious. We may have to switch to the Contact Detach sets. Who uses those? Are they as easy as the Insets? Do they hurt more?

This also leads toward a discussion we have in our home right now regarding switching pumps. Jason is gung-ho to switch to Omnipod. Especially since the new release will have the IOB feature fixed (so said the rep a few weeks ago - is this true?) I'm not ready to turn our lives upside down again AND train the school AGAIN.

However, it's starting to become a quality of life issue for Adam. He HATES the tubing. Hates it with a passion. He pulls it, twists it and cannot keep his hands off of it (which makes me wonder how often his numbers are bad because he pulled the cannula). He has trouble dressing himself with the tubing, and has gotten the tubing twisted in his..uh, man parts....more than once. Sounds painful to me. :)

We are coming to a crossroads - he is becoming more vocal about what he wants. We showed him the Omnipod and he was ALL for it. In fact, he said, "Wow....I could be like a super-spy diabetic person! No one would know I had diabetes!" So, that kind of stuff is becoming important to him, and I wouldn't be a good mom unless I acknowledged it.

I'm not sure where it will all lead, or when/if we will switch...but it is on our radar for now. So much to think about.

On WDD...help?

2011-11-14T15:15:00.000-07:00

So it's World Diabetes Day. We commemorated the day by wearing blue....and going back on MDI (kinda).

Le sigh...maybe someone can help me. I'm at a loss. You all saw Adam's 600 number last week...well, that trend has continued. It is rare that I can get him out of the 300's most of the day. This weekend was the straw that broke ~~the camel's~~ my back.

Both Saturday and Sunday he was in the 300's. Both days I employed the use of temporary basals...on Sunday to the tune of +150% most of the day. Never got below 300, often he was in the 400's and 500's.

He just saw his endo a few weeks ago. At that time, he increased his basals across the board by .025, which was fine. When he started having highs last week, I increased everything again by .025 so that now most of his basals are at .400/hour. For reference, his breakfast I:C ratio is 1:16, and the rest of the day is 1:20 (and I really don't think I need to change them...but who knows.)

So last night, I'm pissed at the pump and I give him an injection before bed - which brought him down in range beautifully and quickly. And I do realize that an injection will generally work quicker than the pump because of better absorption, but it made me wonder if his pump is not working correctly. I've changed his sites both Sunday and Saturday (and I'm about to do it again tonight). No bent cannulas, no blood in the cannula.

This morning, he woke up at 185, I pre-bolused breakfast at 6am, but by 9am, he was 300. I emailed his endo this morning and he did not want to willy-nilly change basals right now, but to keep his pump on for basals today and bolus him via injection. So I did that for lunch, and by golly, he was in range at his next check.

I fully realize that pump failures are rare....but why would injections keep him in range, but his pump doesn't? I'm not sure what to do next. I'm doing injections tonight....changing the pump site, and then going back to the pump tomorrow to see if anything has changed.

Arrgh. My brain hurts. Why does this all have to be so damn hard? I'm incredibly frustrated and I HATE having him be in the 300's for as long as he has been. I'm so confused. We rotate sites...fresh insulin in the pump every 3 days...no ketones at all (thank goodness!)

I'm finding it hard to trust in our pump right now. I am having the urge to go back to MDI because at least I know the insulin is getting in there.

Diabetes Walk...and other schtuff

2011-11-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

Our walk was a week ago? Sheesh. We had a super busy weekend and week, so I'm finally getting around to some posting. And, also? Adam's numbers are completely whackadoodle. I have no clue what is going on. More on that later.

It was a little chilly on our walk day! And it was wonderful. The ground was soggy and Adam had mud all over his body within 5 minutes, but he loved it. We had a small group, but Adam was SO THRILLED that his best buddy from kindergarten came to walk with us. How cool is that? His mom is familiar with Type 1, and has been so supportive and interested in what we do. The fact that she brought her son and little girl out on a cold, wet morning meant so, so much to me. I mean, we all know how rare it is when you tell someone about Type 1 Diabetes and they "get it" right away...but she did.

How cute are they?? Adam loves his friends fiercely, and this little guy loves him right back. Makes a momma swoon.

It was a nice family day. After the walk, we checked out the booths and Adam got a cool new "camo" skin for his meter and pump while I was talking to the Animas guy. See?

Oh...um...yeah, that HIGH GLUCOSE thing...we'll chat about that later....

So, here I am talking to the Animas guy about how Adam MAY or MAY not have a hairline crack in his pump, when my husband comes bounding up behind me with a fistful of Omnipod stuff, yelling, "Hey! HE SAID WE CAN SWITCH FOR ONLY $150!"

Yeah, so at that point I pretty much grabbed the camo skins and ran. :) Insert foot in mouth, much?

The Omnipod discussion is for another blog post, entitled, "The One Where My Husband and I Argue About Pumps."

Anyhoo, we enjoyed some free food, free stuff and fun music. And then enjoyed doing a site change in the back of the SUV on an EXTREMELY cranky boy who was high even after the bounce house (this is called foreshadowing.)

But never fear...his sister had him laughing by lunch time:

Okay, so this post is all over the place, but I'm just going with it.

WHACKADOODLE = Adam's numbers. During and after the walk, he was high. 300's high. Sure, he had a little cold, but what kindergartener who is in a cesspool of germs 8 hours a day doesn't? All weekend, and on Monday, I kept correcting, doing temp basal increases, you name it. Then Tuesday came. At his 9am check, he was 474. Full insulin dose for snack (we usually do half because of recess) and correction. Lunch, he's still at 380-something. Then at 12:30, he's back in the 400's and I pick him up from school after doing another site change and correction.

Then, about an hour after we get home, I get this:

Never have seen that before and it scared the shit out of me. And no ketones! (an aside...you all of your kids automatically get ketones when they are high? Adam never, ever does. Even after days of being high. Is that weird??) He said he had a tummy ache, but that was it. I ripped out that site, put a new one in his tushie with a fresh bottle of insulin AND gave him an injection. Which he totally hated, by the way.

So, finally by dinnertime he's fairly normal.

But, WAIT! Guess what is behind Door #2 at bedtime?

Yes, you d-mama's guessed it...a LOW. A persistent low. Mother-effer.

And now, ever since Tuesday, his numbers have been all wrong. No rhyme or reason. Nothing. High last night, low tonight. Why, why, why? I just don't get it. It's like that wonderful A1c we just got is mocking me.

Yes, Diabetes mocks me.

Thursday

2011-11-03T19:18:00.000-07:00

Aaack! I don't really have anything substantial to post...but, I just had to get my toes off the top of my blog. :) They looked fine on my cellphone...but dude, on my computer screen...ugh, just....NO.

I can't believe that Halloween was just on Monday...I have been out in the stores this week and it seems like the holidays are already in full swing. I hit a department store today, and the Christmas trees and decorations were all up! Crazy. I mean, I LOVE Christmas, but I'm just not ready to jump into it yet.

In other news, our JDRF Walk is on Saturday! I'm looking forward to it - it's going to be COLD out! Yes, I am nuts, but us desert dwellers rarely get cold days. We will have a small group this year, but two of Adam's buddies and their moms are walking with us, and I am thrilled for him. It will be a fun morning!

Okay, I think I've written enough to get those darn toes off the top of the page. :) Happy Thursday, everyone!

1st Annual Type 1 Day

2011-11-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

In honor of the first annual Type 1 Day and for Diabetes Awareness month (hello, NOVEMBER!), I'm showing you my feet.

I can't even claim any sort of credit for this idea...I shamelessly stole it from the lovely Donna. Once I saw HER toes on Facebook, I knew what I was going to be doing on 11/1/11!

Plus, our JDRF Walk for the Cure is on Saturday!!! So, why not have pretty toes for the event in support of diabetes awareness? I've already gotten quite a few comments today, and it's fun spreading the word about T1D and the need for a cure.

I've already done a lot of educating the last few days - whenever Halloween rolls around, we get tons of questions about whether or not Adam can participate.

The answer is YES! He can eat whatever he wants. Well, whatever *I* will let him eat, as his mom. :) As long as he has the appropriate amount of insulin to cover the carbohydrates he has eaten, he is golden. He had candy last night, and yes...he had a piece of candy this morning before school. Diabetes doesn't stop him from being a kid - the only difference is that he must have the right amount of insulin to match whatever he eats.

Can you imagine having to do that for the rest of your life...carefully tracking every morsel you put into your mouth? That's why we need a CURE. So that Adam doesn't have to be hooked up to a little machine 24 hours a day, 7 days a week just to live life like we do.

2nd D'oween

2011-10-31T21:10:00.000-07:00

Last year at this time, I was nervously handling our first Halloween with diabetes. Adam was honeymooning, and if I recall correctly, he went low even with all the candy and activity.

This year? We rocked it. With a pre-trick-or-treating number of 111 (gave a mini pack of Reese's Pieces before we started walking) and a BG of 131 at the end of trick-or-treating - we did damn good! He had some candy before bed and his bedtime number was 188, with a little less than a unit on board, so we were good to go. Such a relief to be on "this side" of diabetes this year and not just starting out. And the pump! So much easier to have that this year.

Adam was a Ninja (couldn't you tell from his POSE??) and Sydney was a vampire girl. Loved that I was able to put some makeup on her for the first time ever. They had so much fun and it was a great night!

Happy Halloween to the DOC!

Sharing my joy

2011-10-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

I guess it takes a lot to get me to blog these days! Life has been very full and busy. :)

But I have some wonderful news that I just had to share with the DOC. Adam had his quarterly endo appointment today, and I was STUNNED to hear that Adam's A1C was 6.9.

I know!

That is the lowest he has ever been, and I've had a perma-grin on my face ever since. It's funny how such things can make you so happy. I believe his last A1C was 7.6 or so.

I'm sure that at our next appointment, the number will be up again with the holidays rolling around, but for now, I'm going to bask in the glow of Adam's first A1C under 7.0. :)

We do have two other issues we are looking into (it's always something, isn't it?) The first thing is that Adam has had some wicked B.O. the last few weeks. Is that TMI? I'm sure he'll kill me when he's older. But...from what I understand, 5 year olds should not have that kind of stench. Even active little boys like mine. He doesn't have any other symptoms of precocious puberty, but his endo is doing a bone x-ray anyway just to check it out. I fully expect it to be fine, but I figure since he sees an endo regularly anyway, I thought I should mention it.

The other thing is from his labs - it turns out he has a very low IgA level and could be IgA deficient. Does anyone know anything about this? I read that kids born with low IgA levels are more prone to autoimmune diseases (um, duh...already got that one covered!)

I know that a low IgA level could point to Celiac, but he did test negative, even after looking at the IgG levels. So, at this point there is no Celiac. His endo said that having a low IgA level could just mean that he is going to be more susceptible to illnesses, but luckily (knock on wood) so far he's been healthy. Anyway, just curious if any of your kiddos have tested low for this.

Other than that, things are chugging along around here. Can you believe it is almost NOVEMBER? Yikes.

We are loving our little kitty - she is so much fun! The kids adore her and she's been a nice addition to our family.

A New Family Member!

2011-10-16T18:45:00.000-07:00

Nah, not pregnant...but this week, we got the next best thing:

Meet our new kitten, Macy!

She is 2 lbs. of adorable fun - we adopted her from the Humane Society on Thursday, and she has already brought such JOY to our home!

If you know me in real life...you will know that I have long-maintained a "no pet policy" in our home. Don't get me wrong...I love animals! My parents have 2 of the sweetest golden retrievers, and I love them...I just don't want to take care of them. But, as often happens...my kids wore me down. And my husband caved. And really, they deserve to experience growing up with a pet. Since we had cats when I was growing up, I figured that would be the best (read: low maintenance) pet for us.

We spent the last week searching for the perfect kitten for us - we went to the pound, and multiple Humane Society locations until we found Macy - a 7-week old little furball. She is SO much fun - and tolerates the kids handling her and playing with her so well.

Don't tell anyone, but I've never seen my husband so googly-eyed over another living thing...I even think he wasn't this crazy about our kids when they were babies!

So that has been keeping us busy! She has been a great addition to our home, and I am so happy we have her.

High Risk

2011-09-29T16:08:00.000-07:00

Uh...er...uh...hello?

I have attempted to blog so many times in the last few weeks, even crafted entries in my head, but never got the mojo to put fingers to keyboard. I think I have needed a little break these last few weeks - settling into school for the kids and getting used to our new routine.

Also? I haven't wanted to think about diabetes all that much lately. I don't want to read about it, I don't want to do any research and...if I'm really going to be honest here, I wasn't even planning on doing our JDRF Walk this year. (But never fear, we are going to walk. It may just be a few of us, and we won't have fancy t-shirts and thousands of dollars raised, but we will be there.) I'll go ahead and admit that I feel like I am not doing enough when it comes to advocacy, but it's just not something I can focus on right now. Sometimes I just want to crawl into my own little world and pretend that diabetes doesn't exist.

But, that is not reality. So, I avoid all the "other stuff" while continuing to do my daily diabetes duties. (Damn, I love alliteration.)

I will admit I cried a bit today. Sometimes it's the silliest little things that get to me. Yesterday it was the fact that I had to pull Adam out of school to see his eye doc, and he was MAD. He was so pissed that he was missing school. And then? An hour later I had to run back because his contact lens was bothering him and I had to take it out.

I just wanted to scream. Why can't this kid just enjoy life and stay in his classroom all day like the other kids? Not only does he have to leave for diabetes, but for his eye as well (we are transitioning to a new contact lens and the fit isn't right....so we are having issues.)

And today, it was two little words - high risk. It was just a passing comment from our health assistant in reference to his care, but when she said, "Well, Adam is the most high risk student we have here, so he is our priority" it made me tear up. I LOVE the fact that they take such good care of him, but it was really hard for some reason to hear the words "high risk" and "Adam" in the same sentence.

Other than those little things, life has been busy but good. I am happy being home for my kids - baking cooking, doing homework, volunteering at the school. I'm co-chairing our school's Book Fair in a few weeks and I'm feeling fulfilled.

Oh! I almost forgot...I have a giveaway that I need to plan! So that will get me back here in the next week or so. Stay tuned. :)

Listening to the Little Voices.

2011-09-13T20:22:00.000-07:00

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.

— Mary Anne Radmacher

I am totally stealing this quote from Joanne. In fact, her post about "One more thing" gave me the courage to write this post.

I have been a ball of stress for the last month.

Okay, let's be honest, I was a mess for a good few months before that

My hair is falling out in clumps and breaking off.

I can't sleep through the night.

I'm not taking care of myself.

My kids are not getting the best of me.

That One More Thing that put me over the edge? School for me.

I withdrew from my Biology course this morning. I listened to that little voice in my head that said, "This is too much." And you know what? Pushing the "submit" button on the "drop a class" screen felt like a 50 lb. weight had been lifted from my chest.

I feel like I jumped the gun. I thought could be a rock star and handle it all.

I also feel like science may not be for me. Let's face it... I have a degree in English Literature. I am a right-brained girl all the way. I had to work way too hard for the mediocre grades I was getting. Perhaps I didn't give it a chance. But I think that deep-down, I know that this may not be the path I was meant to be on right now.

I need to remember that what may be perceived by some as "quitting" is actually that little bit of courage in the background, allowing myself to say, "this is too much and I just can't do it right now." And honestly, I am okay with that. I am going to make mistakes, fail, try new things, decide they aren't for me. Like I told a good friend earlier today, in the past I would have kept going to class, hating every second of it, and making myself and everyone around me miserable because I was afraid to be perceived as a quitter.

Maybe I am pulling the diabetes card. But pancreating a 5 year-old is a full-time job, and it doesn't take a break. I had to leave class about 4 times in the last month, because of d-issues at school. Yeah, it sucked that my classes were at exactly the same time as his lunch and recess, but that's when most of the "d" action happened.

Joanne pondered in her post:

"Sometimes I wonder if diabetes wasn't on my plate, would these things bug me so much? Is it that diabetes has worn me down to a point that I can't deal with issues in other areas of my life? I'm not sure."

I'm not sure either. I can't honestly discern how much an effect diabetes has had on my life, because I'm in the thick of it every day. There are so few people who understand the constant-ness of diabetes, and I'm quite sure I come off as a whiner to some in my life who aren't privy to what it's really like. To hold your child's life in your hands each day is a powerful, scary, overwhelming feeling. A feeling that is there EVERY DAY because of the insulin that we dose our children with.

That is the focus of my life right now. And that is okay. I am okay with that. I am going to focus what time I do have on myself, volunteering at the kids' school and enjoying every second of it.

A slice of my day

2011-09-06T12:06:00.000-07:00

Recovering from a wonderful 3 day weekend in the mountains. Back to a quiet home, preparing the weeks' snacks for the little diabetic. :)

One Year

2011-08-31T00:00:00.000-07:00

Put up your feet my friends, grab a cup of whatever tickles your fancy (I prefer wine, but that is just me). This is a long one!

It has been one whole year since Adam’s diagnosis.

Over 3600 needle pokes to his little fingers.

Over 800 injections.

Approximately 90 site changes.

Lots and lots of Dex changes.

I wasn't sure what this milestone would mean for me/us. Honestly, we haven't talked about it with Adam. Maybe it's because I didn't want to make a big deal out of a sad day. But Denise just reminded me of something that I had never thought of before (really!) We SHOULD celebrate! Because this is the anniversary of the day his life was SAVED. Okay, I cry just writing that, but it is so true.

We don't have any big plans because this is a ridiculously busy week for our family, but I think we should do something this weekend. We will be up at my parents' cabin with family, and I just realized that we went to the cabin over Labor Day weekend last year after Adam got out of the hospital too. I'm thinking a bonfire and s'mores are in order.

I never really properly told his “diagnosis” story, so I thought I’d share that today. It’s been on my mind so much lately as I’ve been going through old pictures – automatically classifying things as “before diabetes” and “after diabetes.”

I began getting suspicious that something was really wrong with Adam when we went out to dinner and he drank 4 cups of milk in one sitting. And he was still thirsty. He’d been wetting the bed…and sleeping a ton. I would joke on Facebook about how he’d randomly fall asleep in the strangest places. That summer there were countless pictures of Adam sleeping. It’s sad to think about it now.

That night, I googled. Google can be a mom’s best friend or her worst enemy. That night, it was my worst enemy.

As I searched…I kept hitting on diabetes. I was thinking, “Steph, you are projecting this hypochondriac stuff on your kid. He doesn’t have this.” But I kept looking at diagnosis stories. And somewhere, someone mentioned a “sweetness” to their child’s breath. I went upstairs and smelled his breath as he slept. And damned if it wasn’t sweet. I didn’t want to say anything to my husband, because that would make it real. I still didn’t want to believe it. But I knew.

The next morning, he slept in. I knew I was going to take him to the doctor. I snuck into his room and cuddled in bed with him. I was literally thinking, “This is the last time life will be normal for us. Our life is going to change.” I just KNEW it.

On the way to the pediatrician’s office, I happened to glance down at a few empty water bottles in my car. They were from my local grocery store and happened to have JDRF labels on them. I thought to myself, “This is a sign. I know he has Juvenile Diabetes.”

In the pediatrician’s office, his urine was tested – lots of sugar. The nurse came in to prick his finger. When the number popped up, the nurse wouldn’t look me in the eye. I asked what the number was, and she showed me. It was 550. Tears sprung to my eyes. I didn’t really know what it meant, but I knew it was bad.

Our beloved pediatrician came in, and all she had to say was, “I’m sorry.” She gave me a huge hug and said she just about started crying when she saw his numbers. She’s been with us through the cleft lip, the reflux, the cataract and now this.

When I got into my car, on the way to the hospital, I looked at those JDRF water bottles on the floor again and I thought how incredible it was that so much can change with just one tiny drop of blood.

On my way to the hospital, I called Jason at the airport and stopped him from getting on his flight for work. I called my mom. I called my dearest friend. All while Adam is sitting in the backseat of the car, pretty much bewildered at what is going on. Heck, even I had no clue about how much his life was going to change.

I watched him get his first injection of Levemir and his first injection of Novolog. He was hysterical. And it blew my mind that I was going to have to do this every.single.time he ate anything from now on. For the rest of his life.

One of my most vivid memories from that fog that was the hospital was when I went down to the hospital pharmacy by myself to pick up Adam’s prescriptions. The pharmacist plunked down two huge bags in front of me – those two bags held the items I would need to keep my son alive for the next month. I started crying as I handed over my credit card and I think the pharmacist was a bit freaked out. I cried as I walked back to Adam’s room and just kept on crying. It was the first time in our 3 days at the hospital that I cried. Once I started, I couldn’t stop.

I look back on all that now…and I still cry when I think about it. But I am also hopeful for how much we have overcome and how in just one short year, we are pumping, CGM-ing and kicking diabetes’ ass when we can. Adam has gone from a hysterical child getting pricked and poked every few hours, to a kid who can explain to an adult how to test his blood sugar and do it correctly right in front of them.

He’s a kid who says, “Eh, it doesn’t hurt that bad.” A kid who doesn’t flinch when I test him in bed or change infusion sets. A kid who asks “How many carbs are in that?” before eating something. He’s truly my hero.

Thinking back over the last 5 years – his cleft lip, his ridiculous reflux that required 2 medicines to control, his cataract, THE ‘BETES – I realize that we are living in this place called Life Is Hard. No one gets a free pass, everyone has their very own special challenges in life. But it’s a beautiful life, an amazing life, and it is Good.

There are so many lessons to be learned. I know that Adam was brought into my life to teach me that life is not perfect…yet it is perfect all the same.

When I was pregnant with him, and found out he was to be born with a cleft lip and perhaps palate, the world seemed to stop turning. I wanted to go back, start over in my perfect pregnancy with my perfect little family with no issues. I was afraid I wouldn’t love him when he was born because he looked different. I was afraid the joy of birth would be taken away because he wasn’t technically “perfect.”

And oh, how wrong I was. Falling in love with that sweet boy’s face with the little notch taken out of his lip. He was sweet, he was mine and he was perfect.

It was my first lesson in giving up on “what I think life should be” and what life just is. Accepting it. Celebrating it. Living it.

I won’t ever give up hoping for a cure for Adam. But I will help him live is life as if diabetes is just an afterthought, something that hangs in the background while he does all of the things he wants to do. I will make it easy for him. I will bear the burden. Because that is what us D-moms do.

Weekends are nice

2011-08-27T23:51:00.000-07:00

I admit it.

I'm missing my kids now that they are in school all day long.

I wandered into Target the other day (okay, let's face it, I wander into Target MANY times during the week) and saw moms with their little ones, shopping and sharing popcorn. Just like we used to do during the day. I miss that. I miss that that stage of life has suddenly passed me by. Where did these last 8 years go, anyway?

We have a lot of friends our age that are just starting out with their families. They are knee-deep in diapers, toddlers, tantrums and the Wiggles (**shudder...one thing I DON'T miss is the Wiggles**) It's gotten to the point where my hubby has a tiny bit of baby fever.

But then we are quickly snapped back to reality with our own uber-busy life.

And let's face it...I'm just not willing to go belly-up to the craps table, roll the dice and see what genetic cocktail Lady Luck has for us this time.

The upside to all of this is that I am really enjoying the time I have with my kids when they are not in school. Today I built Lego castles with Adam in the morning and then went shopping and to the library with Sydney. We found a cozy spot and she read about hamsters (did I mention we have a new pet??) and I started a new book.

Life has a nice balance to it right now. Aside from diabetes, of course - which always seems to throw a wrench into my well-laid plans. Like on Friday, when I was in the middle of my Biology lab, I got a call from the nurse telling me that Adam's infusion set fell out. I just looked around my classroom and thought, "REALLY?? Really?" So I left class, zipped over to Adam's school and inserted a new infusion set and ran back to class and didn't miss but 5 minutes of lecture.

Just call me MacGyver.

Adam Takes Charge!

2011-08-24T15:48:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you - it was much harder than I thought to find the perfect book to read to Adam's class! Some were too long, some were for older kids, some were about kids on MDI.

After purchasing nearly every book on Amazon related to diabetes at school...I finally found a winner:

It was perfect! Simple, easy to understand wording for 5-year-olds - CHECK! Story revolves around a child on a pump - CHECK! I excitedly showed it to Adam and his face promptly fell and he said, "Hells NO! That book is about a GIRL!"

Okay, so he didn't say "Hells NO." But it was the 5-year-old equivalent. Complete with eye-rolling.

But, I had found the perfect book! I was not going to give up that easily. And I knew that I was far too lazy to reinvent the wheel and create a book all about Adam like the amazing Reyna did.

So I came up with the next best thing: ~~Lara~~ Adam Takes Charge!

We had to eliminate all traces of that sweet, little girl. So, I got out my glue stick and went to work:

I went to Adam's class this morning and read the book. They really enjoyed it! And they liked all of the pictures of Adam, so it was win-win for everyone. They asked some good questions too - like, "Does he have to wear it all the time?" "Does diabetes ever go away?" And the most important question...."Does it HURT??" Adam answered honestly and said, "Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't."

Adam really enjoyed his "rock star" status this morning. He was answering questions, pulling out his pump and telling everyone "Hey, wanna push some buttons??" LOL! To which I quickly said NO! It was a good little discussion. Some kids had heard of diabetes, some had a grandparent with Type 2.

I also wanted to share our "communication" sheet** that I borrowed from Reyna and added our own things to it - for example, Adam's eye drops, which he gets at lunch time. I LOVE this log sheet - I'm able to see what goes on during the day and make tweaks if necessary.

The nurses like it too! I feel totally informed of what goes on during the day, and they often call me (like today, when he was getting a BG check before a class birthday treat and discovered that he was 54!) We are still changing things up a bit - we've noticed that he goes REALLY low after PE, even if he's on the higher side to begin with. Like today, he was 189 before PE, so I figured he'd be fine. Well, an hour later he was that lovely 54, so we have some things to think about. They must really run them hard in PE, because when Adam plays outside, he doesn't drop that fast usually. Ah, diabetes. Must you be so persnickety?

**And, YES, I totally posted this communication sheet because his numbers were totally awesome that day. Full disclosure! 'Cause today, they weren't that great. :)

Adam's Personal Snack Bar

2011-08-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

Sigh.

Well, my child has already figured out how to beat the system. Whenever he is hungry (which is all the freakin' time) he decides that he MUST be low...so he heads off to the health office only to find out that he's perfectly fine (or a bit high). And he just HAS to have a cheese stick.

Of course, we all know that hunger is a symptom of low blood sugar as well as high blood sugar. But where do I draw the line? He's already a 'frequent flier' in the health office due to the diabetes, but now he's there more often than he needs to be. Now, for the record, the nurse and her assistant have no problem with this...but I do. He is going to start missing a lot of class time. Is this just a maturity issue? He still cannot distinguish between highs and lows...and I certainly don't want to tell him NOT to go to the nurse.

But it's getting kind of ridiculous now that I've already had to refill his "cheese & snack" drawer a week and a half into school. My little grazer has figured out that not only is the health office a place to test his blood sugar, but also free snack time as well.

Any BTDT?

Storytime

2011-08-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

I've kept my child-friendly "diabetes" books on a shelf up until now.

The beginning of school has been crazy-busy, and Adam has had such a positive experience at school and I honestly thought that I might not need to explain diabetes to a kindergarten class. After all, I hadn't observed any kids asking Adam about his insulin pump, or his Dexcom. For some silly reason, I just thought no one noticed.

Today, while we are driving to Adam's eye doctor appointment, he says to me, "Mom...I have to tell you something. Kids at school keep saying 'Adam is sick....Adam is sick' and I am NOT SICK!" I know this is because he visits the health office so much, and really, the kids have no clue what is going on. All they know is that he leaves the classroom a lot. But he feels like he is being teased.

I asked him what he told them, and he said, "I just told them that I have diabetes." He is also saying the kids are asking about his Dexcom transmitter on his arm too.

I asked him if it bothered him and he said yes. He is always such an easygoing kid, that I often forget that things do upset him.

So, I'll be talking to his teacher about setting up a time to come in and talk a bit about diabetes on a kindergarten level, and read our books. Hopefully this will stop some of the teasing and questioning.

Now I've got to figure out how to explain this in 5 year old terms! I think I'm gonna go peek at Reyna's book she made for Joe. :)

Routine is Good.

2011-08-16T19:38:00.000-07:00

First off...this SAHM gig? I had all of these grand illusions that once both of my kids were in school, I'd have scads of time to get things done around the house.

Really? Ha! The joke's on me. In fact, I feel like I'm BUSIER now than ever before. And I haven't even started school for myself yet. Yikes! I am running every day - school, gym, shower, school, oil changed, bank, store and school again. It's nuts.

But, I do have to say that routine has been GREAT for Adam and his blood sugars. (I'm expecting a bolt of lighting from the diabetes gods to strike me down anytime now that I declared that.)

He is not "grazing" all day long, as was his habit before, so I am getting a much better picture of whether or not his carb ratios and basals are on target. And, by golly, I think they are for the most part. Here's his school schedule:

6:15 am - wake up, get fasting BG

6:30 am - eat breakfast

7:15 am - walk to school, school begins at 7:45 am (I KNOW!!)

9:00 am - first BG check of the day, get insulin for snack (we've decided on bolusing him for 1/2 of his snack carbs, since he has recess immediately after. This is working well for us.)

10:50 am - BG check before lunch

11:20 - back to nurse for insulin for lunch

1:00 pm - final BG check of the day (unless there is PE or he is not feeling well)

2:15 pm - pick up from school

School is going well, and we are still making some tweaks to his lunch routine, but overall, things are going GREAT. I have lots of communication with the nurse - for example, today he felt really hungry at 12:45, so he went to the nurse and he was high - in the 240's. So she gave him some water and a cheese stick and we decided to test him again at 1:30 since he still had insulin in his system from lunch. And sure enough, at 1:30 he was down in the 160's. I am so thankful for the communication. And you know, go figure, because yesterday at his 12:45 check he was only 80. And he had the SAME LUNCH! Ah, diabetes. You love to keep us guessing.

My goal for the rest of the week is to "wean" myself from school a bit. I think Adam thinks that I will be at lunch every day, and that is not the case. But I am so proud of him and how he has learned so many new things in the last week. And he is being so responsible with his diabetes care - I love the fact that he will make it known when he feels like he needs to be tested. That was one of my biggest worries - that he'd sit quietly and be afraid to tell someone he doesn't feel right.

So that is my update! We are quickly approaching Adam's one-year diabetes diagnosis, and I have lots of feelings surrounding that. However, when I think back to our diagnosis and I compare it to now - I can't believe how far we've come and how blessed we have been. Diabetes sucks, but life is good.

Adam's First Week of School!

2011-08-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

Well, ladies (and gentlemen?) I have to declare our first week at school as a success. It was a busy week, and I sure as heck didn't get any of that "down time" that I imagine other mothers get when their last child goes to school all day, but overall, the week went very well. (Okay, all 3 days of it.)

I have to give major props to the staff at our school. LOVE THEM. Adam's nurse and health assistant are phenomenal. They had a 6th grader with T1D last year, and they could have said, "oh, this is no big deal, we've got it covered." But T1D in a 5 year old is very different than in a 12 year old. And they knew that! Our health assistant is on her own 2 days a week while the nurse is at a different school, and she told me that she even had a nightmare already about giving Adam too much insulin through his pump. I felt so bad that she was having "diabetes dreams" like I do, but in a strange way I was happy, because it meant that she GOT IT. That diabetes is a big deal...and insulin is a touchy beast.

One thing that I would highly recommend to all moms of little T1D kiddos going to school is to put together an "All about me" letter. I gleaned information from Hallie and Reyna and came up with a flier that has Adam's picture on it and it starts out by saying:

"Hello! My name is Adam **** and that’s my photo. I am a student in Mrs. Goodman’s class, and I have Type 1 diabetes. My body cannot make insulin, so I wear an insulin pump at all times. It is usually in a belt around my waist, or clipped to my waistband"

It goes on in bullet format, talking about the signs of a low, the signs of high blood sugar, the fact that he needs access to water and the bathroom whenever he wants, and most importantly, to BELIEVE him when he says he doesn't feel well and send him to the nurse.

I handed these out to the nurse and his teacher, and they were very excited about it and asked if I could print more so they could pass them out to all of the staff that would come in contact with Adam - ie: playground aides, cafeteria aides, music teacher, etc. and I said sure! They handed them out in their meeting on the first day of school, and ever since then, I've had aides come up to me to say, "You are Adam's mom? We got his flier!" It was a GREAT way to build relationships with people I didn't know before and to make them aware of Adam's special needs.

I also made up "low kits" for Adam's music teacher and P.E. teacher - got the great idea from Donna to put them in clear pencil pouches so they are easy to carry. They have juice boxes, glucose tabs/gel and the above flier, outlining the signs of a low. They appreciated having these as well!

I think it helps that I do have a good relationship with the school already, since my 3rd grader has been attending for 4 years. But she has never been to the nurse (I know!) in her previous years, so I didn't have a relationship with the health staff. I also chose a different kindergarten teacher for Adam than Sydney had, so she was new to me as well.

I was reading this post over at D-Mom today, and it really hit home. Building a relationship with your child's school is immensely important. On some level, I knew that already, but after only 3 days, I am seeing how important it is. They are willing to be so flexible with us, and I think it's because I didn't go in there with guns blazing, saying, "This is how it's gonna be." My favorite line from that post is,

"It’s about being able to ask a favor without it feeling like a favor." Very true.

My goal in all of this is to make diabetes management as easy as possible for them, so that in turn, they will not look at Adam as a "burden." And I know that our health team would not think that, but let's face it, diabetes is a fricken' PITA most of the time. We live it day-to-day, and now so are they, especially with little ones.

Adam has had a fantastic experience at school. The health office is directly across from his classroom, so he has no trouble finding it for blood sugar checks (he goes with another person if he's feeling low) and both his teacher and the nurses have already said that he's been a joy to be around (::proud mommy moment!::)

He told me that his music teacher came up to him and said that she has diabetes too (Type 2) and he was excited about that (well...you, know, not excited that she HAS diabetes...) I am thrilled that everyone is so open with him, and open to learning more about Type 1. I emailed his teacher a great Power Point that my mom found off of the American Diabetes Association website - it is a great, simple, short presentation about diabetes - and it really gets the point across regarding the difference between Type 1 and Type 2. She was very receptive to it, since she wasn't familiar with Type 1.

There are so many tools out there to help your child at school. But the best tool of all was my wonderful friends of the DOC. You guys helped me SO MUCH. The nurse was impressed with all of the information I had ready for them, and there is NO WAY I would have been able to do it without y'all. Seriously.

(((Group Hug!!)))

My Babies are Big.

2011-08-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

Just for quick reference, here are my kiddos when Sydney was 5 and starting Kindergarten. Adam was just 2 1/2! Look at those little cheekies! I want to pinch them.

And here they are today...my BIG kids. A 3rd grader and a Kindergartener:

My GOoOfY big kids.

Today was a good day. Everyone came home happy, and that is all that matters. I did, in fact, spend the majority of the day at school, but it was fine by me. I am so, so, so blessed that I am able to be home so that I can volunteer at school and be there when they need me.

We have a lot of things to iron out - for instance, figuring out how much to bolus him for his snack, since he'll be going out to recess after. His Dexcom did alarm "below 60" today, so Adam promptly told his teacher and he was escorted to the nurse and his finger stick checked in at 100. So...therein lies the problem with Dex - will it cause more or less stress for everyone? The jury is still out on that one.

I had them under-dose his lunch (scared, I guess) but in retrospect, that was the wrong move, because he stayed in the 200's for the rest of the day. Live and learn, I guess.

Adam did great. Only a few tears at lunch...he was a bit overwhelmed at the big lunchroom, all the kids and noise. He was also chosen as the "special helper" today, so he was very, very proud! I ended up staying to help his teacher for an hour or so - the poor thing has 29 kids with NO aide! I am very thankful that after only 1 day, we already have great relationship.

Also, I talked with several aides today and they all said, "Oh, you're the one with the diabetic child!" They had a meeting about him today and passed out my "Hello, my Name is Adam..." fliers with his picture on it. I feel pretty confident that in time, everyone will be aware of what Adam's needs are. I'm also thrilled that they are so open with letting me be on campus as much as I want to - and hey, free labor, right?

'Twas the Night Before Kindergarten...

2011-08-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

...and all through the house, the kidlets were sleeping...

yeah, I got nothin' that rhymes with that. Oh well. :)

I fully admit to a breakdown this afternoon, crying to my mommy. It's all good, just overwhelming. We met with the nurse, teacher and health assistant today and while I am fully confident that things will be okay, it just really hit me how much I have to teach them. Our school nurse has never dealt with a pump before (the T1D kid last year was in 6th grade and did all of her own care with her Omnipod and texted her mom with the info) and the other T1D kid at our nurse's other school is on MDI. So there was a bit of a "deer in headlights" look to everyone when I was explaining how his pump worked. Much like I felt when we first started this whole thing.

They are relying on me and I am relying on them. The school is awesome and they will do whatever I ask, and I can be at school as much as needed...which will be a lot over the next few weeks as we get his schedule situated.

The thing that just broke my heart into tiny little pieces today was when I was explaining the how the Glucagon worked to his teacher. I thought Adam was busy on my iPod, but he was listening. I said something like, "In the event he passes out, this is what you will need to use..." and Adam jumped up and pulled on my arm and made me go back to the bathroom with him. I thought he had to go, but he said, "no...it really scared me when you said 'pass out.' Is that going to happen, Mommy?"

Of all the things he knows about diabetes, I don't think he fully understands what the consequences of a severe low blood sugar are...and really, at 5 years old, he shouldn't have to. But that frightened him. It was the first time I've ever really seen him scared about diabetes (aside from the beginning and all of the shots.)

I reassured him as best as I could, but he was a grumpity grump after that...his blood sugar was really high and everyone got to see what "combative, angry, cranky" high blood sugar looks like. I especially loved the part where he hit me in front of his teacher because we couldn't leave yet. Ugh.

I haven't been terribly sad about diabetes in a long time, but tonight I am. Very sad. And I want to be happy and excited for my boy's big day tomorrow.

I am eating cake. Lots and lots of cake.

2011-08-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

This is what we do when we are stressed, isn't it? Eat. Lots. Of. Cake.

Fortunately for me, today is Sydney's 8th birthday and I have lots of cake on hand! Let me push away the stress for a moment and share a pic of my girl. Today is her "Golden Birthday," turning 8 years old on the 8th day of the month (and just for good measure, it's the 8th month of the year!)

She had a fun pool party yesterday with her bestest friends. It was a good day.

Okay, back to me. I'm still eating cake, by the way. Balancing it on my laptop while I type. I'm super-talented like that.

I had another diabetes dream last night. This one was slightly humorous. We are down to our last 2 infusion sets (dude, you don't even have to tell me how stupid I am, and I got on that Animas Smart Ship thing right quick today, after I called to have them expedite our stuff.) So, knowing we were low on infusion sets, in my dream the UPS guy backs up his truck and dumps box after box after box of syringes on my driveway. I started crying and said to the UPS man (like he had any say in the matter) "No!!!! We need INFUSION SETS! Not SYRINGES!! What am I going to do with all of these??" He shrugged his shoulders and took off and left me standing amongst piles and piles of syringes.

So here's what I'm wigging out about now. I have this habit of not liking to be a burden on people...and I have a feeling that this is going to carry over into Adam's school situation. There are some things that I feel like *may* be issues, ie: they've cut down on classroom aides for kindergarten and I'm wondering who is going to be responsible for Adam getting to/from lunch, back to the nurse and then out to the playground. Should I be okay with him doing this himself, or should someone be helping him? Let's face it, I'm going to be there the first week or two, since I just volunteered myself to be lunch mom/helper....but that can't last forever. Because really, have you ever smelled an elementary school cafeteria? GROOOSSSSS.

Let it be said that I haven't met with the nurse yet (that's tomorrow) so maybe all of these questions will be answered. But I am afraid I'm going to be an obnoxious mom, busting in there with all of my pages of notes for people and not knowing how far I'm "allowed" to push for what I want. And quite frankly...this is all new to me, so I don't KNOW what I want. I hate being a burden. I hate this...it is so not in my nature. And now having to rely on others to do my "job" of mama pancreas is scary/hard for me.

I just wish that right now I was bursting full of excitement (like Adam is....and as he should be!) and ready for him to take on this new challenge...and then feel the sweet freedom of having both of my kids in school, without a care in the world. But I don't. I want to be excited for him, but I'm too worried. I wish things were different.

All of that "unknown" stuff is scary.

Fresh Coat of Paint

2011-08-03T14:17:00.000-07:00

No, I didn't get my nails done this morning. They still look the same.

But I did take a cue from Reyna and freshened things up a bit around here! I made my first header for the blog this morning...took a few tries, but I'm starting to like it! Makes the blog seem more "mine" rather than a random template.

Meanwhile, I had my first "diabetes at school" nightmare last night.

You know how you have those dreams where you show up to take a final, but realize you haven't been to class all semester and never studied? It was kinda like that.

I dreamed that I took Adam for his first day of school and I hadn't met with ANYONE yet and they wouldn't let me stay. I kept saying, "But no one knows how to take care of him!"

It was awful. But I know that's not going to happen and it will all be fine. I'm kind of ready to get this all over with, because the anticipation is killing me! School starts in 1 week and I am ready...

It's always something new.

2011-08-02T22:42:00.000-07:00

So THAT'S why his blood sugar has been so high all day. The ol' "blood in the cannula" trick.

Ha, ha, diabetes. You got me. Soooooo very funny.

P.S.....Thank you, DOC, for lifting me up yesterday. Big, virtual hugs to you all.
P.P.S.....Someone needs a manicure. I'm not naming names or anything. We'll just add that to my "To Do" list...

Feeling a little droopy.

2011-08-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes it's the strangest things that can bring us down. Small things, silly things.

Last Friday, I took the kiddos to see the Smurfs in 3D. Their first 3D movie! Adam was so excited. I was too...I actually don't think that I've ever seen a 3D movie either!

We put on our funny-looking glasses and the movie begins. Sydney is sitting to my left and laughing at the things popping out on the screen. Adam is sitting to my right, looking confused.

"When does the 3D start, mama?"

"You can't see it, love? Those Smurfs popping out of the screen?" No, he says.

He's frustrated and mad. He wants my glasses, thinking his are broken. I immediately flash back to something Adam's eye surgeon said a few years ago. When you don't have a lens in your eye, you are unable to see in 3D.

Shit on a stick.

For those that don't know, Adam was diagnosed with a cataract in his right eye when he was 6 months old. By 9 months, the cataract had started to obstruct his vision, and the cataract and lens of his eye needed to be removed. He has worn a hard contact lens in that eye since he was 9 months old. But he still can't see in 3D because there is no natural lens in his eye.

Sigh. Yet another thing that my sweet kiddo can't experience. And how do I explain that to him? I just told him that what he was seeing was normal, but I could tell he was totally disappointed.

Add that to the fact that I'm sending him off into the wild unknown of Kindergarten, coupled with T1D in a few weeks, and I'm just sad. I want things to be easy for him and they are not. I don't want him to miss class time because of this stupid disease. I don't want him to be the last kid to the lunch table because he's got to go to the nurse first. It's not fair. I don't want a 5-year-old to have to explain that the little machine on his hip keeps him alive to all the other 5-year-olds.

I also just made a follow-up appointment with his craniofacial surgeon (yes, he totally won the genetic lottery - he was born with a cleft lip too) since it has been 2 years since his last appointment and we need to start figuring out what to do with his mouth.

It's a mess in there, people. Orthodontia for this kid is going to cost a small fortune.

So, I'm going to pour another glass of wine tonight and wait for tomorrow.

After all, tomorrow is a new day. And it will be a good one.

Goofy WINNERS!

2011-08-01T00:09:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday, everyone! And Happy August....aaacck!! School starts for us in 10 days!!

We had an, um...interesting weekend. Let's just say there was a wild and crazy night where I got to stay up until 2am and there was lots puking involved.

No, no, no...this mama didn't get to go out partying. There was a lovely 24-hour flu bug that visited our house. It hit my 7 (almost 8!) year old the hardest, poor thing. Adam seems to have escaped the wrath, but that may have been because I panicked and gave him a Zofran the instant he started saying he felt like he was going to throw up.

Okay, back to the news you are here to see - the winners of my very first giveaway! I entered y'all in that fancy-dancy Random.org sequence-generator-thingie and here are my FIVE winners:

Drum roll, please....

Our first winner is....

Misty! And lucky me, I have a new blog to read... God is Good!

Winner number two is...

Amy! Another new-to-me D-mama. Sheesh, where have I been? Here's her blog, The Sugar Sharks!

Winner number three is...

One of the most awesome D-mamas evah...Laura from Houston...we have a Problem!

Winner number four is...

Denise!! My fellow nursing-student mama and author of the blog My Sweetest Boy

And our final winner is...

Diane from Our Type 1 Trip! Woo hoo!!

Congratulations, ladies!! Please shoot me an email within 48 hours to mylifeasapancreas@gmail.com and leave me your mailing info so that Coco can come to your home! It has been a bedtime staple here the last few days. :)

My First "Goofy" Giveaway!

2011-07-28T18:27:00.000-07:00

All right y'all...I had planned on waiting until Adam's 1 year diabetes anniversary to do my first giveaway, but this one just couldn't wait!

The amazing Roselady over at Diapeepees put me in contact with a media rep for the Lilly Diabetes/Disney collaboration. I mentioned in our email conversation that I have a lot of friends who would love to get their hands on one of the Coco books for their children and asked her when they would be sent out to the pediatric endocrinologists. Well, she responded by saying that they were on their way out, and would I like her to send me some extras for my friends?

Um, YES!! And just to add how wonderful this rep is, she OVERNIGHTED them to me via FedEx!

So, my dear, sweet DOC...I have a giveaway for you. I have FIVE (yes, count 'em, FIVE!) "Coco and Goofy's Goofy Day" books to share with you!

How awesome is that? Thank you Lilly Diabetes and Disney!

Here are the rules:

Leave me a comment before midnight on Sunday, July 31st. Please include your first name. Comments left without a name will be eliminated.

To earn extra entries (post a separate comment for each):

Share a link to this contest on Facebook. Then, leave me an additional comment to let me know.
Blog about this contest. Then, leave me an additional comment containing a link to your blog.
No duplicate comments are allowed. Duplicate comments will be eliminated.
Winners will be selected via random draw at http://www.random.org/.
Winners' names will be posted here on this blog on Monday, August 1st.
After winners' names are posted, winners will have 48 hours to send a message to me at mylifeasapancreas@gmail.com If I do not hear from a winner within 48 hours, I will select a new winner.

so...much...stuff

2011-07-26T10:56:00.000-07:00

I know that in a month this will all be much easier...but right now I am...

FREAKING the freak out.

There is so much information to gather for the school. So many supplies. I am at the pharmacy like every day because I keep forgetting things for all of his "kits." One for the nurse, one for the classroom (hello, just bought a One Touch Meter for full-price because I don't have time to go stalk one for free and wait for it to come in the mail) one for the music teacher and the P.E. teacher.

Thanks to some great advice from Donna, I went to Target this morning and bought some clear pencil pouches to make "low kits" for the specials classes. And some larger containers to hold his supplies in the nurse's office and his classroom. I have this huge Word document going...and I keep adding things.

We are up to 5 pages, people.

I am panicking. What if I'm in MY class for school and the nurse needs me and my professor won't let me use my cell phone? I have seriously been having some doubts about me going back to school, but I'm trying to talk myself down off the ledge and remember that there are plenty of D-moms who work outside the home and their child's diabetes care is managed just fine. And really, let's not be dramatic. I'm only going to be "unavailable" for like 5 hours a week.

Meanwhile, I have piles of diabetes supplies, boxes, bags, snacks and juice boxes sitting on my dining room table. I'm going to have to show up at our school meeting with a pick-up truck and they are all going to laugh at the overprotective, anal-retentive mother of a diabetic kid. :)

Putting my new SKILLZ to the test!

2011-07-22T14:37:00.000-07:00

This D-mama is about to embark on a new adventure. Or, a new twist on an old adventure...this mama is hitting the books and heading back to school.

I already have my BA in English...and that provided me with a decent career post-graduation. I worked as a copywriter, made a pittance for a salary, but felt creative in what I did for a living. In college, I had aspirations of being a nurse or a teacher, but I immediately dismissed those thoughts as I thought I was a.) too squeamish and b.) too afraid of public speaking to be a teacher (nevermind the fact that these would be CHILDREN I was teaching!)

The nurse thing kept nagging in the back of my head. Before kids, I volunteered at our local hospital, just loving the feeling of working in a medical setting. I hated my job at that point and dreamed of another career, preferably one where I was providing a needed service. But then the kiddos came along and I was happily ensconced in my new "career" of stay-at-home-mom.

The last few years I've been wondering what I'd do when the kids were in school full-time. Two years ago, Sydney was very ill and in the hospital for a week with a rare complication of a staph infection called Scalded Skin Syndrome. She was in the PICU and I was so interested in how the nurses took such great care of her and were true advocates for their patient. It really spurred my interest, so I attended an information session about the nursing program at our local community college with a friend of mine. I got all fired up to take some pre-requisite classes, and then I promptly....chickened out.

Fast-forward to last August. I had all of my transcripts in place and was ready to meet with a nursing adviser at the college. I found out that since I already had my degree, I only needed to take 2 pre-requisites before I could apply to nursing school. Score! I was ready to sign up for a class....then the next day Adam was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I pretty much gave up at that point.

Over the last 11 months, I have had to do things that I never would imagine I could do. Inject my son with various sharp needles, calculate and dose insulin...essentially, we are diabetic nurses on the fly! As devastating as his diagnosis was, it has been a confidence booster for me.

I can do this.

So this year...this D-mama didn't chicken out. I pushed through silly roadblocks and made the move. I am signed up for my first class this fall in 14 years. Yes, ladies, it has been 14 years since I graduated from college. I am old. I am taking a Biology class in a real classroom with kids almost half my age.

Let's hope I can remember how to do this thing called school!

OMG! Talk about Friends for LIFE!

2011-07-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

I seriously have goosebumps here, my friends. Remember my post from yesterday?

Take a look at what I received in my mailbox today:

I can't believe I am crying over a book. Well, not really a book...but the fact that one of my DEAR friends who attended the CWD Friends For Life 2011 sent Adam this amazing care package! And she had no idea that I had just sent out a plea for this book.

Goosebumps, people.

Tiffany doesn't have a blog, but she has been one of my main supports through this thing we call diabetes. We were "online" friends for years - having babies together, watching them grow. Then one day, about a week after Adam was diagnosed with diabetes, I received an urgent message from one of our mutual friends via Facebook. Tiffany's son was just diagnosed with diabetes too. I got the chills. These two boys were dx'd a week apart! And so our friendship took on a new dimension.

I am so excited to read this book to Adam, and to his Kindergarten class. And I already ordered a few suggestions from you guys - "Taking Diabetes to School" - so we are going to be set!

Coco?

2011-07-19T15:40:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know how to get one of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse books with Coco? From what I have read, they are only available from providers (which is SO lame, they would make $$ selling them to us!) I called Adam's endo today and they haven't heard of it. Are they not being sent to doctors yet? I would LOVE one to read to Adam's kindergarten class this year...speaking of which, if I can't get my hands one one of those, do y'all have any favorite diabetes books or info that is child-friendly? The Rufus book we have is a bit too involved for a bunch of kindergarteners, I think.

Another Quarterly Report Card

2011-07-19T11:47:00.000-07:00

In a way, I kind of like quarterly endo appointments. True, it's like a report card, where you can get "bad" grades (or at least we feel like we're getting bad grades as a pancreas stand-in), but for me it's also a start-over point, a fresh start. I know when I walk out of there, I've got a new set of basal rates, carb ratios and correction factors.

Yep, we walked out with new EVERYTHING. His A1C was still 7.7, which is perfectly fine, but looking at his average and his numbers, I know he can be in range more.

Oh, and Adam eats too many carbs. Whoops. THAT's where I felt like a bad mom. Trying to get a 5 year old to eat anything but carbs has been a challenge. My kids are the worst eaters...but this is a fresh start, right? I had Dr. Hahnke tell Adam directly that he needs to eat more healthy foods, fruits and veggies, etc.

Then Adam says, "But Mama, we can still get my donut after, right?"

Hahaha....*cough, cough* uh...we'll talk about that later honey. Busted in front of the endo!

We also got all of our paperwork filled out and signed for school. And and a script for EMLA. Did I mention we've been having issues with him letting me put Dexcom sites in? I'm not sure we'll use it, but I am glad to have it on hand just in case.

I also need to take Adam in for his yearly labs. It's a bit early, but he's been having some tummy trouble and I'm worried about Celiac. I'll take him in this week. Anyone ever used EMLA before a blood draw?

So, we are holding steady, and frankly with diabetes, that's all we can ask for some days. My goal in the next 3 months is to get him eating fewer carbs, more veggies and lower his A1C by a few points.

Feeling so nervous

2011-07-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that there is only 3 weeks until school starts.

I'd be nervous and feeling funny about it anyway, since Adam is my baby and sending him off to Kindergarten is enough to make me want to cry, but the diabetes thing...it is starting to feel incredibly overwhelming to me.

Plus, we have our endo appointment tomorrow. I need to fill out the info for his school forms and have him sign off on it. I haven't even thought about what to do about a 504. There is a meeting at our children's hospital this Thursday that we are attending, so hopefully I will leave with a better understanding of what I need to do.

I am completely overwhelmed at what I have to do to get him ready for school. Training the nurse, the nurse assistant, the teacher, the teacher's assistant and the front desk lady. How do I train them when so much is based on my instinct? How do I explain it all?

Do your kids get pre-bolused for lunch? I pre-bolus Adam, but usually only for half of what I've given him, because there is no way to know what this 5 year old is going to eat at a time. I'm guessing he will have to be bolused after he eats lunch at school.

Do I want to deal with the CGM at school? I know most would say YES, but as most of you know, our experience with Dexcom is that it's pretty unreliable for us. I'm trying to decide if I want to deal with it or not. Plus, Adam is totally rebelling against the CGM right now and unless I can get some EMLA from the endo, he's not having any part of it. Frankly, these days I have to chase him down just to do a site change. I don't understand why he's giving me problems now, when it hasn't been a big deal before.

Airport Security and Pumping...PITA!

2011-07-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

Tap, tap...is this thing on?

We have been out of town for the better part of 2 weeks and I there is no way I'm going to catch up on my blog reading. Or on my own blog!

I first wanted to write about our experiences flying with Adam's insulin pump. It reminds me of Kelly's TSA experience, except x4. I have read that many people have gone through security with no issues, so I wasn't expecting it to be a big deal. But honestly, it was a total pain in the a$$. Maybe my view on this is clouded because we took 4 flights in the last 2 weeks, and each one we had issues with security. Is it safe to just disconnect and run his pump through the x-ray machine? Because I am not going to put him through this again. If there was a set way to handle diabetics, it would be fine, but there were different rules and issues at EVERY SINGLE AIRPORT.

First 2 flights were at a smaller airport. Adam goes through the scanner and he alarms. I tell them he has an insulin pump and the TSA agent immediately pulls Adam aside and says he needs to be screened. I move to be with him and they say, "Don't touch him!"

Excuse me? Don't touch my 5 year old son? I'm about ready to pull my own bitch-switch on him.

Then they say if we want to go with him, we have to be patted down as well. Whatever. My husband doesn't want me to rock the boat, even though I'm ready to riot against it. Jason goes with Adam and gets the additional pat-down. They don't seem to know what to do with his insulin pump and look all confused while they pat him down and then consult each other on what to do with the pump. They finally decide to tell him to touch the pump then they swab his hands. Because, you know, I could have strapped a bomb to my 5 year old son.

sigh.

Meanwhile, we have a confused little boy with people staring at us, adding 15 minutes to our wait time at security. PITA. Oh, and they never even mentioned the juice boxes I had stashed in his diabetes bag. Way to go, TSA. YOU ROCK.

On the trip home, it was even LONGER. In addition to Adam alarming (rinse, lather, repeat) they decide that since I am with him, they will need to go through MY bags. But no pat down for me. Go figure. Again with the "Don't touch him!!!" ridiculousness.

Our next 2 flights are at bigger, international airports. I was hoping the security would be more, uh...lax? This security stop had no issue with his insulin pump - he alarmed, we stepped aside and they swabbed his hands, that was it. BUT now they had an issue with his juice boxes and his contact lens solution!! So we wait another 10 minutes while they open Adam's contact lens case, open the saline solution, TEST IT, then SWAB THE FRICKEN' JUICE BOXES to test them (even though I said that we were allowed to take them through security due to his diabetes - as printed on the TSA website.) The grumpy TSA agent just grunted at me like I was trying to pull a fast one over on him.

On our way home, out of Denver, this security session takes the longest and is the most invasive. Adam goes through, he alarms, I say he has an insulin pump and the TSA agent looks scared and confused and pulls us aside. This time I have my arms wrapped around Adam on purpose, because NO ONE is going to tell me not to touch my son again. Plus, he's tired, feeling low and wants no part of this security business. So we wait...and wait. They call for a "male assist" to pat-down Adam. Then they need a "female assist" to pat me down. This takes forever for some reason, despite the place teeming with TSA agents. They finally pat me down first - and wow...this one was, uh...personal. Inside waistbands, inner thighs, etc. I didn't think I'd feel violated, but I kind of did. Especially this is all because of stupid DIABETES.

Then they move on to Adam. They do a quick pat down on him, but want him to take off his pump so they can inspect it. I say no. The TSA agent is barely over 20 years old so I stare him down and say, "Look, he can't do it himself, so if you want it off, I have to do it. He is 5 years old." I pull up his shirt and show him and he backs off and says, "Okay, it's fine." They make him touch the pump, swab his hands and we are finally on our way 20 minutes later.

Sheesh.

I didn't think I'd be pissed about all of this, but I am. I understand the need for security and all that, but if you're gonna do stuff, be consistent! Don't act like my 5 year old is a criminal. Have some compassion for a cranky, tired little kid who doesn't want to be touched.

I think it will be awhile before we fly again.

What a Cluster&%$#

2011-07-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

Calgon, take me away!

Actually, I will be getting away, in a mere 24 or so hours....but still.

Yesterday was a day from h-e-double hockey sticks. Arizona in the summer + blackout for 8 hours = the aforementioned h-e-double hockey sticks.

112 degrees out, no air conditioning in the middle of the afternoon. We spent from 2:30pm to 8:30pm in the pool. That's 6 hours of swimming, folks! I couldn't keep Adam's pump off for that long, so I had to stick it in his tummietote belt and let him wear it, despite my cringing. I *know* they say it's waterproof...but I just don't want to take any chances. Anyway, it became clear that while swimming with it off, his BG had swung up to 500, so he had to have that basal going.

Adam was ready to go to bed and his pump alarmed that he had 10 units left. I was NOT about to do a site change by candlelight, so I let it go, knowing he'd have enough to get him through the night.

This morning, I did a quick site change before his last day of summer pre-K and sent him on his way. Note...he does not have Dex on this week - this would have been helpful and I would have caught this much sooner!

Anyway, he was a bit high when I picked him up, but I knew he had a smoothie as a snack and dosed him for it. Then he fell asleep on the floor (he was tired from last night) and I heard a new alarm from his pump... the OCCLUSION alarm! We've never had that one before, so I had to drag out the manual (nerd alert!) and I disconnected, re-primed like it said and went on our way.

We were busy today and every time I checked him, he was pretty high. I kept correcting and figured it would get better. Finally, before dinner, Jason checked him and we saw the dreaded HIGH GLUCOSE on his Ping meter. And the oh-so-helpful text at the bottom that says, "over 600 mg/dl" No shit, sherlock!

I thought back to the occlusion alarm earlier and realized he must have a bent cannula or something. So we ripped out that site, (sure enough, bent cannula!) got a new one in, gave him a 3 unit bolus and put him in a warm bath.

Did I mention I'm packing for our trip?? And cleaning up the fricking, fracking MOON DOUGH out of the tile, carpet, and every other crevice he managed to get it in today? I should have known it was too quiet this afternoon....

Vacation, please!

My list has just begun...

2011-06-26T17:13:00.000-07:00

Aaack! I know I'm missing something. And this is just for the D-bag. Must find a VERY LARGE D-bag. Ugh.

Vacation coming up...

2011-06-25T21:47:00.000-07:00

Ah, summer.

We have been keeping busy - it seems busier than normal between summer school for the kids (ceramics for Sydney and a fun Pre-K) for Adam and lots of swimming, playdates with friends and mini-vacations. I feel like a taxi sometimes! Plus, it's ridiculously hot here - I think we topped 111 degrees today.

That said, we are ready for our yearly trip to the Northwest...specifically, Oregon! We always plan it for July when the heat is at its worst in Arizona. We are meeting up in central Oregon with Jason's family for a week - we all stay in one big house and have a great time with lots of cousins and fun activities. Adam is particularly excited about fishing with his uncle! Renting a boat and spending a lot of time outside...something the kids just aren't able to do right now in AZ.

Me...I'm stressing about our first big trip with diabetes. How much do I bring? How much insulin? How many infusion sets? I have a large bag dedicated for his "d-stuff" that I'm starting to pack. Should I get a loaner pump from Animas? So many questions...should I bring some Levemir just in case his pump fails...or just because? When we have a "d-disaster" here, I feel comfortable because I have access to everything I need, but far away from home...I'm feeling a bit nervous about it.

I've been thinking about our trip last summer - we went to Portland, Seattle and Vancouver. That was our last "vacation" without diabetes in our life. I can't believe we are coming up on his 1-year anniversary. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. Last summer was so nice in some ways, and now that I think back on it, I feel sick to my stomach, knowing just how sick he was becoming right before my eyes.

On an entirely different note...we had an amazingly good diabetes day today. Every time I checked Dex, I was amazed at how even his numbers were. It's funny how ONE good day can make you feel so good. I'm sure it will all go to hell and a handbasket tomorrow, but I'm relishing today.

Nova Max! Just in the nick of time...

2011-06-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

Guess what we got in the mail today? Our FREE Nova Max blood glucose/ketone meter. I learned about this from Tracy on Facebook a few weeks ago. I loved the idea that it was a blood glucose meter AND a blood ketone meter all in one. Haven't got one yet? Get yours here: http://www.novacares.com/cwd/

Anyway, the best part is that it also came with 10 free test strips and 2 blood ketone strips. And if you read yesterday's post...we are scrimping and saving our test strips until our shipment from Medco arrives on Wednesday. (Yeah, I called first thing this morning to find out where it was!)

We used it tonight and I wanted to do a side-by-side comparison of the Nova Max and our One Touch strips. Here are the results (from the same blood drop):

I've never compared two meters before, so I don't know if this is a good comparison or not...but they're 30 points apart - not TOO bad, I guess. Now I wonder which one is really more accurate!

Either way, I'm grateful for 10 extra test strips to get us through the next few days! :)

$33.99

2011-06-19T21:47:00.000-07:00

How did I end up with $33.99 as the title of my blog post?

A busy weekend of fun, swimming and SWAGing food. Used the last test strip at a restaurant before we returned home. Bedtime - Dex so lovingly throws me a sensor error #0 and realized that Adam's canister of test strips in his room is empty as well.

I thought I had to have just one more canister left...SOMEWHERE in the house. Nope. Ran to CVS at 8:03pm. Pharmacy is closed. Googled where the nearest 24-hour pharmacy is and finally found ONE box of One Touch Ultra test strips for $33.99. That's for 25 test strips, folks.

Goodness gracious. Here's to hoping that our shipment of 900 strips arrives within the next 3 days...

But it was all for a good cause. :) We took the kids to Tucson for the weekend, to visit the University of Arizona - to show them where mommy & daddy met. Yeah, they could have cared less, but it was fun being there again WITH our kiddos! I think I may have two future Wildcats on my hands!

It's a Small D-World

2011-06-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh....I haven't blogged in so long, I think I may have forgotten how to do it! :)

Today I had the pleasure of meeting up with a local D-mom from Facebook (Hi, Jeanie!). We met with all the kiddos at McD's so they could play and the mommies could chat!

I have to say, I am amazed sometimes at what a small world it is - even the diabetes world! I found out that Adam and her little girl were diagnosed ONE DAY apart! At the SAME pediatrician's office! And they were in the hospital at the same time. How crazy is that? And we swapped stories about the kooky endo we saw in the hospital. :)

It is always so nice to sit down and chat with another mom who "gets it." We both agree that there are so very few people in our lives who get what we and our kiddos go through every day - and what they'll go through in the future and why we worry about it! To be able to sit down and talk and just nod your head in agreement to what the other is saying is priceless. Sometimes I feel like Facebook and social media is just too much...but then I think how great it is because it brings people together in ways that they never would have met otherwise.

After our lunch, we walked out to the parking lot...and realized we both had the exact same SUV, right down to the color! I think it was destiny that we met up, don't you think? :)

Summah...

2011-06-09T21:11:00.000-07:00

My blogging is lacking, but we've been keeping busy doing this every day:

Swimming has been interesting with diabetes. I can't figure it out - some days he'll start out a bit high and stay there. Other days his BG will dump within a half an hour. There is no rhyme or reason to it! Our activity levels are SO varied each day...so it's hard to stay consistent anyway. I'm sure I'll have it all figured out just in time for him to start school. :)

I Hear a Pump!

2011-05-29T22:50:00.000-07:00

It's funny the things your ears are tuned to once you are a D-mom. Our lives are full of distinct buzzes and beeps...ones that only a diabetic would recognize.

Tonight we hit IHOP for dinner (Woot for Kids Eat Free!) and were seated in a booth across from a dad and his two boys having dinner. We went about our business - I was checking Adam's blood sugar while Jason asked the waitress for their nutritional information pamphlet. I dosed Adam upfront for about half of the carbs I figured he'd eat and there was some beeping from his pump as the bolus got canceled and I had to pull it out of his pump pack. I noticed the dad in the booth across from us looking, but I'm used to it, so I didn't think anything of it.

While we were waiting for our food, I hear a pump beeping again. I was thinking, "Dang it, really? WTF is wrong with his pump now?" As I was digging for Adam's pump again, Jason looked around and then kicks me under the table and says, "He's got a PUMP!"

I said, "The dad or the kid?" And he said, "The dad!"

We both sat there for a minute and thought how cool it was. :) I wanted to strike up a conversation, but our food came at that point and we started eating. I pulled out Adam's remote and dosed him for some more of his dinner, and the dad caught my eye and asked me which pump we had!

So we all showed our pumps! I nudged Adam and said, "Hey, that dad over there has a pump just like you!" And he got ALL excited and pulled his out and says, "Mine's green! What color is yours?" (It was a purple Medtronic!)

Then Adam stands up and pulls out Dex and says, "Look at my Dexcom! Where's yours?" I didn't think he'd have one, but the dad said, "I left mine at home!" Adam thought it was so cool, that he's pulling up his shirt, saying, "Dude...hey, wanna look at my pump site?? And here's my Dexcom site!" He was totally thrilled to share the "pump stuff" with someone. And yeah, I need to work on my 5 year old calling grown-ups "Dude." Totally not cool. :)

Anyway, it was a very neat moment. The dad was diagnosed when he was 15 and has had T1 for 27 years. He said he was a camp counselor at Camp AZDA here in Arizona for years, and encouraged us to send Adam when he was old enough.

It was just neat to see a grown up, having lived with T1D for 27 years, just having a normal dinner with his kids...and made us realize that Adam will do the same thing when he is older. And it was neat to see Adam so animated about it - often other adults will want to see his pump site and pump and he's reluctant to show it off...he had NO problem sharing with a fellow T1D!

It's little moments like this that make you feel not so alone in all of this. There are others out there...and you never know where you'll meet them!

Good Fridays

2011-05-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

I'm joining in this week for Roselady's "Good Fridays" over at Diapeepees. Share something fun about your week, and no D allowed! (And I've got nothin' good to say about that this week anyway.)

1. I have a preschool graduate! Just take a look at this handsome little devil:

2. I now have a beautiful, smart 3rd grader! I can't believe she is in 3rd grade...where is the time going?

3. Today is the first day of summer vacation! We are having all the neighbor kids over for a "Welcome to Summer" pool party. The water balloons are filled, the water slide is up...and prepare for mama to be exhausted at the end of the day!

The Day the Dexcom Died

2011-05-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

I just have to laugh.

I mean really...y'all know we've had lots of problems with our Dexcom - lots of Error 1's and Error 0's, endless ??? and some just plain ol' "sensor failures." We've never gotten a sensor to last for a full 7 days.

Until this week, that is. And thank goodness for that! With Adam's stomach flu and the aftermath with all of the lows, Dex really came through for us - a FULL WEEK of accurate numbers!

So, naturally, I thought "let's go balls to the wall and restart the darn thing!" to see if we could eek out a few more days out of it. It restarted great and had good numbers and then...

It started flipping out and we got the Trapezoid of Death with the exclamation point and an Error Code that said 270000.

So I call Dexcom and the tech lady says, "Yeah, I've never heard of that Error Code before."

Figures.

Luckily, Dexcom is overnighting us a new receiver. Unluckily, I called on Friday night, they don't ship on weekends, so we'll have to wait until Tuesday.

All I can say is, "Sayonara, sucker." I'm hoping that this new receiver will give us fewer problems than our last one!

The DOC officially has an ANTHEM

2011-05-18T19:39:00.000-07:00

You must run over right now and visit Denise at My Sweet Bean and Her Pod.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

Can you get over that awesomeness? I'm totally singing "Type 1 D moms" in my head right now. The girl can ROCK IT! And the lyrics...pure creative genius! I mean seriously...every day I am amazed at the talent we have in the diabetes community. We've got Joanne, with her hilariously accurate videos about what not to say to the parent of a Type 1 Diabetic, the uber-talented Mike Lawson, who's "My Life as a Pincushion" videos had me in stitches the other night, and we cannot forget our fearless Reyna and her onion-goggled awesomeness. Not to mention the countless others I am totally forgetting right now.

We've got some serious talent here in the DOC. Me, not so much. If I sang, your dogs would probably run for cover. I can bake a mean cookie. If anyone finds a pancreas-shaped cookie cutter, let me know. :)

Or maybe I should take up crocheting. (It's incredible what you can find on Etsy! Or maybe this should be on Regretsy....)

Anyone? Who wouldn't want a snuggly pancreas to cuddle up with at night?

This is the reason I do this.

2011-05-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine said to me today, "You know, you are so blessed (not that Adam has diabetes) but that you have SO many people supporting you and able to give you diabetes advice on Facebook."

I totally agreed with her and thought it was awesome that she recognized how supportive we are of each other. The DOC isn't just limited to blogs, but Facebook as well.

Some people may think, "Gee, why does she whine about diabetes all the time on FB." Or, "Why would she post about her child's illness or the fact that he was in the hospital on FB?"

Well, I have to say that sometimes I do think twice before I post about diabetes-related things on Facebook. How far is too far and how much information is too much? I finally realized that I don't have a huge number of FB friends, and those that are...are the ones I'd share this with anyway.

But back to my point...(trust me, I DO have one!)

In posting about Adam's illness, I was inadvertently able to help another mom with a sweet little 3 year old girl who has diabetes (and she has a newborn as well!) and lives across the country from me. This mom doesn't have a blog, but we became Facebook friends via another friend of mine who "hooked" us up as support for each other.

She messaged me last night to see if I was still awake - and like most D-moms, I was! She called me on the phone and I could tell she was worried about her little girl - she had been throwing up that day and it sounded a lot like what had happened with Adam. I hope I was able to give her good advice...the advice you all shared with me...and just give some moral support. Frankly, I was honored that she called me.

This is the reason I blog. This is the reason I post this stuff on Facebook...for all of us moms who just need someone to TALK to, to share our fears with...with people who understand. Not everyone gets how devastating a stomach illness can be for a diabetic child, but we do. Not everyone has an awesome support system of parents and friends who understand. Heck, some of us don't even have supportive doctors on our side.

But we can help each other. And we do, each and every day. I am so proud to be a part of this community.

Why can't every day look like this?

2011-05-17T13:21:00.000-07:00

This is from today. It was so beautiful (even though I'm worried about him running so low from the stomach bug) I just had to photograph it. I have to confess...I've always been a bit jealous of the Dexcom graphs I see across the DOC. Mostly the ones of adult T1's, because theirs are always so...so...STEADY. Granted, a child's T1 is a different animal, what with hormones, and growing and carb & fruit snack-obsessed 4 year olds.

His appetite is coming back slowly...but he's nowhere near where he was before. I've hardly had to bolus him the last few days and in a way...it was kind of nice.

So, until the roller-coaster wave of Adam's blood sugar returns, I'm going to sit back and enjoy the view of this steady one for the next few days.

You know what they say about the best laid plans...

2011-05-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

When we last heard from our fearless mama pancreas, she was counting down the minutes until her kid and diabetes-free weekend....one should know that diabetes always manages to fuck things up.

I have to say that we did manage to have a totally awesome day on Saturday. Pool time with margaritas, some window shopping, a fab dinner at a steakhouse with lots of cocktails, the movie Bridesmaids (which was so freaking hilarious that I needed my asthma inhaler - you must run out and see it!) then some blackjack with friends at the Talking Stick casino. We packed it in and I'm glad we did because little did I know that my poor mama was up with a puking Adam all night.

Bless her heart, she endured 3 puking sessions, bruised her tailbone after falling on the tile after slipping in his mess, plus taking care of Sydney, who was freaked out as well and couldn't sleep. She has earned her D-Nana badge. :) She called us at 8am to let us know what was going on, so we high-tailed it out of Scottsdale and back to Mesa. I just had a feeling this was not going to end well, and since I have read that so many diabetic kiddos with the stomach flu end up in the ER, I wanted to get to him fast.

Starting out, he had a BG of 90 and his ketones were 3.4. That freaked me out a bit, because since he was diagnosed, no matter how high he was, he's managed to avoid ketones. And he was totally unable to keep anything down. The last thing my mom tried was a popsicle that came right back up. I called our on-call endo, and he said to give him a 2.0 unit correction and try to get him to get any kind of sugar into his system. He said if he didn't improve within an hour, to head to the ER because the ketones are what we need to take care of.

We could not get him to eat/drink ANYTHING - poor kid was totally freaked out that he was going to puke again and Dex said his blood sugar was heading downtown to Chinatown...so I made the executive decision to just take him to the ER.

I have to admit, going to the ER with a diabetic kid is like having a Disney FastPass...they just swoosh you right in and into a room! And they have some stellar puke bags...I had a moment where I wanted to steal some to take home for later. :)

By now his BG was 50 and ketones were 3.5, so they got him hooked up to an IV drip with Dextrose, Zofran and saline right away. He was such trooper for the IV! The J-tip thing is awesome and honestly, you know what he was scared of? He was afraid the doctor was going to swab his throat for strep. LOL! He'd rather get an IV than that. My sweet, weirdo kiddo.

He was feeling pretty miserable, but we watched some Spongebob on the iPad and he took a little snooze. After a few hours, he tried some pudding and that stayed down and he had some Gatorade, but his BG was still dropping so, I asked that they give some more Dextrose. I have to admit, they were great about letting me be the "mama pancreas" and ask for what I'd like them to do. Before we were discharged, Adam was complaining of more stomach pain, and HE asked the doctor for more zofran in his IV! And by golly, the doctor did it. :)

He said, "Take a picture mama - and send it!" He was pretty proud of his IV hand. :)

We are home now, and while he perked up for a bit, he's back to feeling bad - mostly just stomach pain, but no more vomiting. I think he just feels pretty wiped out, and he keeps saying he's feeling "weird." And he's really scared he's going to throw up again. I hope he gets some good sleep tonight. I just tested his ketones and he's at 0.0, and his BG is steady at 150ish, so I'm good with that. I'm typing this from the floor of his bedroom, because he's scared to be alone.

I knew the stomach flu was inevitable, as was our first ER visit. It happens to every D kid at some point, I'm sure. I'm just surprised because neither one of my kids has ever had the stomach flu before! But hey, a first time for everything right? I'm so very glad we did not go OUT of town for our weekend and were able to get to him quickly.

Thanks to all my Facebook D-mamas for giving me great advice today. As we were driving to get Adam, my husband was asking me who I was texting...and I said, "I'm asking my D-mamas what to do!" He thought that was pretty cool...especially that I got so many responses so fast. So thank you, ladies! You rock. :)

I miss being carefree

2011-05-12T12:16:00.000-07:00

I have been enjoying reading everyone's blogs this week! I knew I didn't have it in myself to commit to writing each day, but I sure am having fun reading yours. :)

I am tired. So, so tired. I think I'm just having a few moments where I miss not having to worry about things all the time. I've been consumed with worry about Adam starting kindergarten and meeting with teachers and nurses and frankly...the information I need to teach these people is overwhelming to me. I don't even know what I'm doing myself half of the time and I'm supposed to teach them?

Little things are bugging me. Stupid things, like seeing a mom open up a box of Teddy Grahams at Target and give the whole box to her kid so he can enjoy a snack while she shops. SO CAREFREE! I so miss that. I think the reason I've been snapping at my kids when they ask me for something to eat lately is that it's just so much damn work to get it all ready for Adam.

My husband and I are lucky enough to be getting away for the weekend (here in town...but away from home!) for the first time in 2 years. Last time I was worried about leaving our kids for the first time all weekend, but now with diabetes in the mix, it's a whole other host of problems. I'm trying to get everything ready for my mom and I'm sitting here, amazed at what is involved for me to go away for 2 days. I don't resent it, because it is what it is...there is no changing it. But I do wish things could be a little bit easier sometimes, ya know? I know my mom will do a great job, but now I worry about HER worrying about Adam. I hate burdening people!

Mini-Glucagon Saves the Day

2011-05-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

We got to crack open our first red box tonight. And thanks to Reyna, Hallie and the rest of the DOC, we knew what to do.

I'm not quite sure what happened. I know he was pretty active today and when my husband took him out for dinner, he ate about 100 carbs worth of food, so he dosed him for it.

Then came the impromptu dance party in the living room followed by a warm bath and a site change. Maybe the activity combined with the rapid insulin absorption from the warm bath made things crazy? Who knows.

Upon checking his blood sugar after the site change, I realized he was at 130 with 3 units on board.

My husband and I looked at each other with our "Oh Shit" faces. Of COURSE we were out of juice (bad diabetic mommy) so he ran to the store while I gave him 23 carbs worth of chocolate.

After that and one juice box, he was 82. It was way past his bedtime and he was falling asleep on us, so we forced one more juice box down him plus 2 glucose tabs. He refused to eat or drink any more after this.

Fifteen minutes later he was sound asleep and his blood sugar was 68.

Double Shit.

Thanks to the DOC, I knew that mini-glucagon dosing would probably be appropriate in this situation. (right? did I do the right thing?) He wasn't going to eat or drink anymore, he wouldn't wake up (not unconscious, just ridiculously tired) and his BG was going to keep dropping due to the insulin on board.

My husband got a syringe (and now like Hallie suggested, I'll always have a U-30 syringe rubber-banded to the box because I had to dig in our cabinet for the box of syringes) and I looked up the protocol for the mini-glucagon dosing. We swirled our powder, and drew up 5 units (since he's 5 years old) and went upstairs with Jason using my new flashlight app on my phone as light (thanks, Heidi!) and injected it into his leg. He said "ow" and stayed asleep.

Fifteen minutes later he was 141. And just now he was 208. Edited to add that it's 11pm now, and he's sitting at 200-ish. I am now very, very fond of the mini-glucagon protocol!

Whew.

Thank you, DOC. I don't know what we'd do without you. I seriously would have panicked and freaked out if it weren't for all of you and what you share with this community. ((Hugs))

And the Award for Most Useless Organ of Adam's Body Goes to...

2011-04-19T11:55:00.000-07:00

Adam's pancreas! Adam's pancreas is officially done, kaput, finished putting out insulin. The honeymoon is over.

Thanks for the memories, it was fun while it lasted. (not nearly long enough, jerk.)

Adam had his endo appointment today. His A1C is up to 7.6 from 7.3. Oh well. I was expecting it to be much higher, actually, so I'm happy with that number. Dr. H said that it was great, especially from looking at the Dexcom, he hasn't had many lows, so to get 7.6 as an A1C without lows is a good thing. Of course, he said, there's always room for improvement! I honestly think that Adam's numbers will be better once he's in school full-time and on a more rigid eating schedule. He's a grazer, and it's hard for me to work on that when we're at home together all day long. I love our doctor because he's so good about everything...he basically says, "I'm here to support you and guide you, so whatever you need, let's get it done." Love that.

I got our prescription changed to include an extra vial of Apidra since we're cutting it close every month and wasting some with priming and site failures. I also got a script for some more Freestyle lite strips...a total luxury to me, but I just REALLY miss using the Freestyle lite meter at night with the nightlight to see what I'm doing! Why can't One Touch come up with a meter with a light? Don't they know we check our kids in the middle of the night? Dude, it's really hard to see a blood droplet in the dark.

He made some adjustments to his afternoon basal rates and I'm still going to tweak his breakfast I:C ratio and see if we can get him to stop spiking after breakfast.

I also got the paperwork for school - we'll go more in-depth about it in July, but at least I can start planning what I want to have happen at school and then he'll sign off on it before school starts. I'm not even ready to go there yet.

All in all, it was a good appointment. I felt reassured with him telling me that his numbers are never gonna be perfect - it's still hard to get my mind wrapped around that he's never going to have the BG of a non-diabetic, but it was good to hear that from a professional, you know?

Diabetical

2011-04-14T14:15:00.000-07:00

I just had to share this...

We were at Dunkin' Donuts this morning (reward for being brave after his 5 year check up!) and he was in an especially talkative mood. He struck up a conversation with a lady and she asked him about what was on his arm (his pump site.)

He says, "Um, it gives me insulin for my diabetes. One day I went to football practice and then we went to IHOP and I drank 3 cups of milk and I was really, really thirsty and the next day I went to the doctor and I got diabetical."

Diabetical. Bwahahahaha! He just cracks me up. And for the record, I had no idea he remembered the events that led up to his diagnosis. He surprises me every day.

He had a good 5 year check up, despite freaking the freak out over the TB test. For a kid who gets poked a lot, he sure doesn't like them at the doctor's office! He is still my strong, healthy boy. He's in the 97th percentile for both height AND weight, 53 lbs. and 3 ft. 10 inches tall.

And Now You are 5.

2011-04-13T12:59:00.000-07:00

I think I'm getting a little mushy over this birthday thing. I've kind of been dreading Adam turning 5, because to me, that signifies "big kid." No longer a baby, toddler or preschooler. I *like* my kids being little. I'm not ready to have 2 grade-schoolers.

In five short years, he has gone from this sweet little face:

To this handsome young man:

My days of just him and I jetting around town together are coming to a close; I'm very sad about that. He's my buddy, my little shopper who makes everyone smile wherever he goes. We even have the same taste in music - we've got no love for the Bieber, but Big Time Rush? Yeah, I'll go ahead and admit that right here - we love singing along to BTR in the car together. :) It must be the boy-band thing from when NKOTB was the bomb.

Even though Adam was diagnosed with strep throat last night at Urgent Care, after 2 doses of antibiotics, he was rearing to go this morning. I kept him home from preschool because it hadn't been 24 hours yet (I'm a rule-follower like that!) but that didn't stop us from having our own birthday fun together.

We hit Target since he had a couple of gift cards burning a hole in his pocket. :) Then he was hungry, so at 10am, the kid downed 2 hot dogs. Then he said he wanted to eat at the Target Cafe for his birthday dinner.

Yeah, I'm going to have to veto that one.

Then we hit Toys R Us for his birthday balloon and to pick out a new bike! He picked a green one - his favorite color - to match his pump. Then on to the grocery store to pick out a small cake for tonight after dinner.

After a 2 week hiatus, we've got Dex on board again today. I just needed a break and I have to say, it was nice. But, I'm starting to notice some random lows, and with all the sickness and birthday activity, I thought it was time to put on a new one. I'm crossing my fingers that it's a good sensor!

I think I'm going to try to convince my little guy to take a nap with me - I think he's pooped out from all the activity this morning! Thanks for all the birthday wishes for Adam - y'all are wonderful!

Life of the party.

2011-04-11T10:26:00.000-07:00

Even though my little guy's actual birthday is not until Wednesday, we celebrated with a fun party yesterday at Chuck E. Cheese. And I have to say...that $1.99 Bag-o-crap was pretty decent! But best of all, Adam had a total blast. He played HARD for 3 hours and I tried to keep up with him diabetes-wise, but by the time we got home, he was telling me he was dizzy with a BG of 57. Oh well...I guess I underestimated the power of play! He crashed hard at 7pm and was out for the night.

I can't believe my baby is 5. It has been 5 years since I've had a baby...he's not so little anymore! He's been through so much in his short 5 years - even as I was looking at this pic, I almost forgot about the cleft lip that was so traumatic when he was born (his surgeon did a truly amazing job - it is so hard to see!), and then the cataract and now the diabetes. Funny how all of his issues are "invisible," but they have had a great effect on all of us. He is a strong, happy boy and I know that will help him throughout his life. Happy birthday my little buddy!

Learning to Let Go.

2011-04-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

I'm a mom who likes to do it all. I mean, I'm a SAHM for a reason, right?

Birthdays are a big thing for me...I love nothing more than throwing an awesome birthday party for my kiddos. We have always had "home" birthday parties...sometimes they involve swimming, sometimes they involve bounce houses, but they always include homemade treats, special homemade decorations, a special "theme" with matching goody bags/gifts. You get the idea. I stressed myself out, but it was so worth it in the end to have a fun party for my kids.

This year? I'm learning to let go of some things.

Chuck E. Cheese is hosting Adam's 5th birthday party this weekend. Granted, it has been his undying wish to have his birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese for the last 6 months, so he'll hardly be disappointed. I'm even letting go of the goody bags and Chuck E. Cheese is providing the Bag-O-Crap for $1.99 a head.

I'm actually breathing a sigh of relief. I just can't do it all and I need to let it go sometimes and realize that my kids aren't going to be tortured by the fact that I didn't plan a homemade birthday for them. Heck, they'll probably be happier.

But I'm still making the cake and cupcakes. That I'll never let go of. :)

Why is it so hard?

2011-03-31T11:30:00.000-07:00

I know Adam has diabetes.

I know he needs insulin every time he eats in order to live.

I don't understand why, when hovering over the "Go" button on his pump, I hesitate to give him 5 units of insulin for his lunch.

Pushing it means "Holy shit, he really does have diabetes. And this is a butt-load of insulin."

Why is it so hard, 7 months later, for me to accept that fact? Why now?

Maybe because in the beginning, 1 unit did the trick. We were warned of the perils of giving him too much. I'm terrified to give him too much and kill him. Yeah, that may be overly dramatic, but it's true.

I finally emailed his endo yesterday with his numbers...I don't know why it took me so long to ask for help. I'm not good at that. Even if that is what they are there for. I feel like I've been conditioned to "know" what I'm supposed to do for Adam's diabetes, when 90% of the time, I don't. I assumed that he needed a huge basal increase, but what his doctor responded with was to change his carb ratios.

And doggone it, he was right.

Sheesh, I should have just asked him weeks ago, yet instead I figured that I knew what I was doing. This morning he had 4 pancakes, something that over the last few weeks would surely send him skyrocketing into the 400's. Today? About an hour and a half after his dose, he was 250. Wow. He really did need to have his I:C changed. We are now at 1:17 for breakfast and 1:22 for the rest of the day.

I hate being a bother, but I need to get over that and start using his doctor like I should. I need to stop assuming that he's going to be honeymooning for a long time.

Yay for 24 hour Animas support!

2011-03-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

Well, this is a first.

I'm downstairs, minding my own business, when I hear this random beeping. My spidey senses are tuned to all of the different beeps that my son emits, but this one was different. It wasn't Dex, it wasn't the Fur Elise of Adam's pump...it kind of sounded like his remote. Then I thought it was my washing machine. It, too, beeps lovely sounds when it is finished. I swear, I hear beeping in my sleep. The other night the smoke alarm started beeping and I was like, "CAN MY LIFE STOP BEEPING FOR JUST ONE HOUR???"

Sorry, tangent.

Then I heard it again, so I went upstairs to investigate. It WAS Adam's remote...it was telling me "Total Daily Dose of 24 units exceeded. No Delivery."

Say whaaa?

First I panicked, thinking that somehow I had inadvertently given him a huge dose of insulin. Even though I was downstairs. Or maybe his pump unlocked and buttons got pushed.

So, I thought, well, Animas has 24 hour support, right? So I called and the nice lady told me that yes, indeed, it was his pump and he was not getting any basal because we had exceeded his daily dose. She walked me through the steps of increasing it and Adam is now getting his basal.

Then it kind of shocked me...I can't believe he went through 24 units of insulin today. I need to email his endo and get his basals fixed...he is definitely coming out of honeymooning, as his needs are steadily increasing. In some weird way, it makes me really sad to give him these huge doses of insulin. Kind of like, it doesn't seem as bad if he's just getting small doses...but now that he's needing so much more, it's hitting me that he is truly insulin DEPENDENT.

I've just been feeling kind of sad tonight about diabetes, especially since before I put Adam to bed, he says to me, "Mama, I know there will be a cure for diabetes someday. I will get rich and I will find a cure."

And then this...seems like T1D is slapping me in the face lately.

Oh, and Dex, I'm giving you the middle finger. We've got ??? right now.

So far, so good!

2011-03-29T14:52:00.000-07:00

Man, am I ever glad I tried an arm site!!! His numbers are seriously rocking today. Could a site have that much difference in insulin absorption? Adam was waking in the 200's for the last week or so, and we've always done tummy sites. This morning, with his fresh arm site, he woke up at 134.

Dude.

I was ready to email his endo to talk basal changes. Could new real estate be the trick? Sure, we've rotated on his tummy, but since our pump start in January, that's mainly where he's had them. Maybe his tummy needs a break?

Still not feeling the Dex love. Right now, it just alarmed that he was low, and he's at 164. Whatevs, Dex. You're acting like a bratty teenager just to spite me, I know it.

Carrie left a comment on my other post that made me think, though. Maybe I'm expecting too much from the CGM. After all, it is designed for ADULTS, not necessarily active preschoolers. Maybe I need to cut Dex some slack in that department. I'm sure it works great for adults 90% of the time, but for wild and crazy boys like my Adam...maybe not so much. He's going to bump it, bang it and just be rough, so it's not going to be perfect.

Okay, I lasted a day.

2011-03-28T14:47:00.000-07:00

I caved. Well, actually, I really wasn't going to put Dex in today, but on the way to preschool Adam says, "Hey, how about if I get a Dunkin Donut as my treat after you put a new Dexcom in? I'll even let you put it in my butt!"

Well, with an offer like that, how could I refuse? ;)

So Dex is in the bum. We've waited the 2 hours. But I can't calibrate yet.

Why?

Because Adam's BS is 568. Yeah, you read that right. Obviously we've had a site failure, since after preschool he was in the 400's and I gave him a huge bolus to bring it down. Which it obviously didn't.

So I put a new site in. We tried his arm for the first time today. Some of y'all seem to have really good luck with arm sites, so here we go. Now I wait for his BS to come down so I can calibrate the G-D Dex and hope and pray that it works this week.

I guess I'm not 'over' Dexcom, but ladies....I'm SO OVER DIABETES right now.

So fed up with Dexcom

2011-03-27T17:32:00.000-07:00

I am so.over.it.

I am taking a break from the thing. I will test his BG every 2 hours and log it. I am just DONE with the Dexcom that doesn't seem to work.

I read about how some people make their Dexcom sensors last for 14 days. Are you kidding me? How in the H - E - double hockey sticks to people do that? Ours has lasted for 7 days a grand total of ONE time. And we've had "good" numbers for a whole week a grand total of ONE time.

Here's what happens with ours. We attach the sensor. It works great for like one or two days. Then we get ???. Or we get a sensor failure. Or the transmitter falls off and we lose it. (yes, this has happened TWICE!) I've been on my hands and knees in my front yard searching for the G-D thing. Adam seems to bump it a lot when it's on his arm and the transmitter gets loose.

Or the sensor falls off when swimming. We swim a lot here, people. It's Arizona. I might as well not waste the money if it's not going to last this summer

I am just incredibly frustrated. Yes, I've called Dexcom and we've gotten replacements, but I can't do that every week obviously. After repeated sensor error 0's, it never calibrates right again. Does he not have enough fat on his body to get good interstitial fluid? Is he too rough on it? Am I doing it wrong? I seriously am at a loss.

Arrgh. For something that's supposed to make our lives easier, it is just NOT.

Trip Recap!

2011-03-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've been absent from my blog for awhile.

I think part of it is diabetes burnout. I know a lot of you have talked about it many times, and over the last few weeks, I've just felt like I don't want to think about diabetes, I don't want to read about diabetes and I don't want to write about diabetes. Of course, I don't have the luxury of NOT thinking about diabetes, but I do have to say, I've kind of put it on the backburner for the last few weeks, ignoring the fact that we need some basal changes and carb ratio changes for breakfast.

And, also, my amazing sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on Monday, so I've been a little pre-occupied with my very first nephew. :)

We did have a great trip to Disneyland. I have to say, while diabetes was always present, it didn't rule our trip. I packed well, had plenty of supplies, although Dex crapped out on us after 2 days of swimming. I brought another sensor with us, but I chose to go without it because I knew we'd be swimming again and didn't want to waste another one. Mental note: we swim a lot in the summer, must find solution for Dex for that.

We had one moment that scared me and made me glad that we stayed on property at the Grand Californian. While in line for the Monsters Inc. ride, Adam began having severe stomach cramps. His blood sugar was high and he has NEVER acted like he was in so much pain before. The people in line behind us were so sweet and asking if he was okay and even asked us if he needed a snack because they heard us talking about his diabetes. :) We were able to get him back to the hotel quickly....and he proceeded to have a "moment" with the toilet. I've never been so glad to hear "Oh, it's not his blood sugar, he's got diarrhea!" You know, you've got to make light of the moments when they come. :)

After that, we were off again and honestly, he did really well the whole time. I increased his basal rates by 30% for our 6 hour drive, and I think that next time, I'll do 40% because it wasn't enough.

I'm not sure where I heard of these, but before our trip I ordered some temporary tattoos from SafetyTat. Adam doesn't wear a Medic Alert bracelet, because honestly....he's with me all the time! I was worried about the off-chance that he got separated from us at Disneyland, so these made me feel much safer. Adam is 4, so I'm not entirely confident of him telling people he's diabetic if he got lost, so this was great:

It's awesome - a temporary tattoo that says "Diabetic" and I added my cell phone number to it. I will use these a lot in the future, for school field trips, etc.

The best part was that we had so much fun as a family. It was a great trip and made me really happy. :)

It was a great vacation.

2011-03-20T23:31:00.000-07:00

I will post all about our trip later, but we had a fabulous time! Diabetes was with us, but didn't define our trip. And in case you were wondering...Disneyland has carb counts on its bags of cotton candy! (Which we at a lot of). So, yeah, I basically poured sugar down my diabetic son's throat. But he had a ball. :)

I must be PMS-ing

2011-02-28T23:28:00.000-07:00

It’s funny how one comment can set you off.

And this is not even necessarily a diabetes comment…but of course for me, that’s what it all boils down to these days. The fact that certain people don’t understand our life now and they never will.

I made a comment on Facebook about being excited about taking our kids on a surprise spring break trip to Disneyland (for the first time we are staying on property at the Grand Californian) and taking our daughter to the American Girl store in L.A.

A ‘friend’ commented, “Gee, things must be good in the Drew household, because I could never afford to stay there!”

You know what? Let me tell you what goes on in the Drew household. We don’t sleep through the night. I am up ranting on my blog at 11pm on a school night because I made basal changes and have to check him again before I can 'safely' go to bed. We stick needles in our son 10 times a day and purposely make him bleed. We insert a catheter into his belly so he can get the life-saving insulin he needs. And sometimes I do it wrong. And his blood sugar goes to over 600, which could have led me sending my son to the ER in DKA because I DID IT WRONG.

Do you live with that in your house? Do you live with that kind of guilt and pressure to keep your kid alive? No, you are more worried about the stresses of the PTA and what you have to endure as room mom. Me? I can’t be room mom because Adam needs me to be his pancreas. So that means my daughter gets slighted. She gets slighted when she needs/wants/deserves attention but I have to tend to Adam’s needs first.

So you know what? We deserve that vacation. It’s none of your freaking business how we are paying for it. And to make a snarky comment like that just pisses me off. Some days I’m glad that I haven’t shared this blog with most of my day-to-day friends – just a chosen few read it…a trusted few. But sometimes I wish I could let everyone read this so they would GET IT.

I suppose I may regret publishing this rant later, but for now I’m posting it. I totally get that everyone has their own issues in life, and perhaps this friend has things going on in her life that I don’t know about. But this isn’t the first time she’s been insensitive and I just had to get it off my chest.

No diabetes talk, just fun

2011-02-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

I have to admit I'm a little burned out as a mama pancreas lately. So it was a wonderful treat to escape from technology, the internet, facebook, etc. for a weekend to play in the snow with my family at my parents' cabin. Here's to a relaxing weekend!

I am so not used to the cold and snow - but it was so much fun! My favorite sound in the whole world is listening to freshly fallen snow make that "crunch" under your boots. I kept telling the kids to listen to the silence...and they looked at me like I was crazy. But it was beautiful.

Thanks.

2011-02-24T12:33:00.000-07:00

All's well that ends well. Just wanted to thank those of you who gave me advice and hugs. I was completely stressed out over this, and now that I look at all of the data I "collected," it's obvious it was a site issue, where the cannula was bent or something. It's too bad that I had to let him deal with 24 hours of no insulin before I realized this (mostly because I had JUST changed his site when the numbers started to climb) but, alas....add one more thing that I've learned to the list.

His numbers are fine now - back to regularly scheduled programming. Whatever that is.

HI

2011-02-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

I guess there's a first time for everything. I tested Adam before bed tonight and the meter just said "HI." We all know that means his BG is over 600. I don't know what to do. I had just given him 3 whole units for his dinner plus a correction an hour ago. I just rage-bolused another 2 units (after a site change, of course). Maybe the cannula was bent? I have no idea. He was nowhere near in range at all today.

No ketones so far. How could he be this high for so long with no ketones? Is that normal? I've tested with the blood ketone meter as well as the ketostix. I'm starting to freak out a bit, and no matter what I'll be calling his endo tomorrow with all of this info. I wanted to have 3 solid days of numbers for him, but this just can't wait.

Another night of no sleep. Yippee.

***I'm thinking we had our first bent cannula. I have no idea, since I let Adam take it off, but things are good now! Even though I had just done a site change, something must have gone wrong when I put it in and insulin wasn't being absorbed. New site, all is well. Whew.

It's like I'm bolusing water.

2011-02-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

Arrgghh.

I increased basals a notch. So now he's at 0.200 units per hour. This is doing nothing. I'm logging for the next few days to see what to do.

Tonight, I had gotten him down to a steady 115 (he'd been playing outside for a few hours). He had 2 chocolates (treat for site change - the lovely 4 carb Lindor truffles. I always picture Reyna throwing them at Joe when I give Adam one!), PB sandwich (sans crust) and half a banana. I dosed him at 6:30 for 35 carbs at his 1:30 carb ratio. It is now 9:30pm and he is 356.

More basal? Carb ratio changes? I know I really should just track religiously for a few days and email his endo, but of course, I want answers now. :)

I'm thinking also that his honeymoon is ending. When that happened for your child, did you notice this kind of thing, like the insulin isn't working?

Feeling Out of Control

2011-02-19T10:38:00.000-07:00

ArrgghhHH.

Time to drag out the logbook again and do some basals. And perhaps even some carb ratio checking.

I'm at a loss with Adam's numbers the last week. Yes, he hasn't been feeling well, but I took him to the doctor yesterday and he doesn't have an infection (negative for strep & flu, thank goodness) just a virus/cold.

He's been waking in the 200's all week. Dex has not been able to keep up with his wildly fluctuating numbers, with us getting ??? half the time, so I just dumped it and I'm going to slap on a new one today.

I've been rockin' the temp basals, thanks to Reyna's reminder about how great they are, but I'm wondering when is it time to switch up the basals totally, or just keep temping? I have no idea how long this virus is going to last. He woke up at a fairly decent 153 this morning, and 2 hours after breakfast he is now 456!
WTF.

Is it carb ratios? Sickness? Basal rates? I think I just don't know where to start. He has not been in the 100's for much of this week.

Where do I start, O wise ladies of pancreatic mothering?

A Bit Worried...

2011-02-17T13:17:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit worried about Adam.

He just hasn't been acting himself lately. Truth be told, he's acting like he was before he was diagnosed - incredibly irritable, sleepy, taking naps.

He's had a cold for over a week. Just a minor one, but the coughing hasn't gone away. But he sleeps all night and doesn't cough, so I haven't taken him in. His blood sugars have been totally out of whack since Sunday, though - really high, so I think I might need to change up some things. He keeps saying that he just doesn't feel good...this is the first time he's indicated that high blood sugar makes him feel like CRAP. I feel so sad for him.

If he's not feeling better tomorrow, I may just take him to his pediatrician.

With kids...the worrying just never ends.

Yep, We Were High Today. (And I'm Okay With That!)

2011-02-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

We've had lots of treats today, and Adam has been high. But you know, sometimes you just have to enjoy the day. There will be chocolate for breakfast tomorrow. I'm not going to deny him that tradition on Valentine's Day.

Notice the Ping in the picture...can't seem to take a pic these days without that thing in sight. But, it is needed when one 4 year old is decorating and licking and eating...over and over again. :)

I guess you could say that baking is my passion. Well, baking pretty cookies is my passion, one I don't get to indulge in enough. The kiddos were busy for the afternoon (Sydney was playing at a friend's house and Adam fell asleep on the couch) so I was able to have some quiet time to create and have fun. I can't wait to share these with my loved ones tomorrow!

I'm Losing My Mind

2011-02-08T17:38:00.000-07:00

This sign is mine.

Ironically, I purchased it about a month ago, thinking it was quite hilarious and I had to have it.

Little did I know, that it would become quite literal.

The last few weeks things have been slipping my mind. Not little things...big things like doctor's appointments. Adam had an eye appointment with his surgeon last week at 8:30am on a Thursday. That Thursday morning I was in my PJ's, drinking some tea when I looked up at the clock and it said 8:25. I freaked out and called the office and they said I could still come if I could be there in 10 minutes.

I made it. But the doctor probably wondered why I never took my coat off in the office, because I was wearing my pajamas underneath it. **sigh**

Then I missed a dental appointment for Sydney to get sealants on her teeth. I got my phone reminder, my email reminder and I STILL missed it - and didn't even realize it until the next day.

I DON'T MISS APPOINTMENTS!

This is so uncharacteristic of me.

Today was the final straw. I went to Sprouts (grocery store) with Adam, loaded it in my car and headed back home to drop it off before I had to pick up Sydney from school. I got home and grabbed for my purse. IT WASN'T THERE.

I panicked and realized that I left my purse IN THE SHOPPING CART IN THE PARKING LOT. And it also had Adam's PING REMOTE IN IT!

Shit on a stick. I left Adam in the car, called Sprouts and luckily, some nice person had indeed found my purse and brought it into the store.

I am losing my mind, people. I have never left my purse anywhere. I just don't do these things. I'm wondering if it's old age (can I claim that at 35?) or tired-mama-pancreas-brain? I'm not sure, but it's kind of starting to scare me.

I want this shirt

2011-02-06T21:51:00.000-07:00

I was randomly searching Cafe Press tonight, when I came across this shirt. I immediately thought of Joanne...except we'd have to cross out the "sugar" and replace it with "breakfast!"

I haven't updated for awhile, mostly because I was busy throwing a baby shower for my sister (and it was mighty fun, if I do say so myself!) and because we haven't had much going on diabetes-wise the last few days.

I'm sure I just opened up a whole can o' worms with that declaration. Watch me be up all night with low blood sugars tonight!

Pumping is awesome...although I wish I could get his site to stay on for more than 2 days. It will stay on longer if I use SkinTac, but he got a rash from it when I used it, so I guess I'll just stay with the IV 3000, even though it doesn't work as well.

Random question...does anyone know what the minimum fill for insulin is in the cartridge for the Ping? I'm too lazy to go find our manual to look it up. :) We are wasting a ton of insulin, it seems, especially since the sites are only lasting 2 days. I need to see how low I can fill it, since his TDD isn't that much.

Ring my bell, Dex.

2011-01-31T12:45:00.000-07:00

After being woken up all.night.long for the last two nights from Dexcom's annoying "er...er...er," that evil-sounding LOW alarm (to which I stumble out of bed, shove my glasses on my face, test Adam, only to find him sitting happily at 134 mg/dl), I am so over it.

(but I still won't give it up. You'd have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands.)

My baby monitor (thanks, Heather!) picks up Dex's sounds very nicely.

But...wouldn't it be nice to not be woken up to what sounds like an industrial-strength smoke alarm?

I'm thinking ringtones for the Dex. You know...like when you're dropping 3 mg/dl per minute and it alarms....you hear the "Jaws" theme instead. A warning that danger is coming. :)

Or when you're high, the ringtone could be that song by the Archies from the 60's, "Sugar, Sugar."

We have enough serious stuff to deal with. Let's make it fun.

Or at least not make me think that my house is on fire when the Dex is alarming.

In the span of an hour, a "high" and a LOW

2011-01-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

Diabetes is humbling.

Extremely humbling. I'm not sure when I'll realize that.

I've been seeing a lot of beautiful Dexcom lines....lovely lines, swaying perfectly between high and low.

Since Apidra, we've seen A LOT more of these gorgeous (only to D-moms!) lines.

Take today, for example. We had a beautiful afternoon at the park with good friends. Adam was running like crazy, and I avoided a low by checking Dex and seeing he was 101 with double arrows down. A couple of glucose tabs later and he was sitting pretty at 110 15 minutes later.

I was feeling pretty darn good about myself. I bolused him correctly for dinner, even though he changed his mind on what he ate at the last minute. **pats self on back**

Bedtime...his Dexcom shows a steady 150. Finger check shows 142.

"I rock," I think to myself. "I'm going to take a picture later of his Dex just so I can show everyone how awesome I am as a mama pancreas." (Did anyone guess that I was about to eat a slice of humble pie?)

I just went upstairs 10 minutes ago to grab the Dex so I could take a picture of my achievement for the day.

And then I'm stunned. And sad. I feel like I want to cry. And then I thank God that his liver kicked in when it needed to, because I didn't hear the alarms.

This is what I saw:

A closer look? What happened in the last hour?

My boy went low, and I had no idea. I was downstairs and didn't hear the alarm. Didn't know that his liver was possibly saving his life by pushing out extra glucose to cover his busy day.

I'm getting a baby monitor ASAP. And never again assuming that I've got this diabetes thing figured out.

Feeling nostalgic tonight

2011-01-25T22:02:00.001-07:00

I had forgotten that I made this video of Adam's first year of life. I haven't watched it in so long...watching it again made me cry. Big, fat, blubbery tears.*

Because when I made that video, it was because all of Adam's issues were "over." I was documenting his rough first year...and celebrating how well everything turned out.

Now I feel as though I need to add to this video - to document yet another thing my boy has to go through. I guess it just makes me realize just how AMAZING my son is. I had chosen the song for the video because it really expressed just how he came blazing into our lives and changed it all...for the better. Because no matter what he has to go through, I will take care of him forever. I made that promise before I ever realized what was to come.

He is such a blessing and I love him so much.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

*I may have cried just a few of those tears because while watching that video, I realized JUST HOW MUCH I'VE AGED in 4 years. Adam had better get a good job when he's older, because he's paying for my Botox. :)

Dexcom issues...some FYI

2011-01-25T14:37:00.000-07:00

It seems like a few of us are having Dexcom issues lately! My neighbor came over today (she works for Dexcom & also has T1) to help me figure out what could be going on.

As far as the ??? on the receiver, she said that could be a few things. Often it could be because the transmitter is not snapped into the sensor all the way, and then when you shower or bathe, water gets in the way and produces the ???. I think this may have been our problem, as I've been having trouble snapping in the transmitter lately.

She also said that the ??? could be related to placement of the sensor and lack of oxygen and interstitial fluid. I think with our latest sensor error last night, it was due to placement, since the wire was bent a bit and there was some dried blood when I took it out. Our readings were WAY off, and I think that's why our sensor failed. She told me that when the sensor fails, and you think the placement is okay and everything, you CAN restart the same sensor and try again.

We've also had an issue once where the receiver re-initialized without warning, and she said that that is often due to static electricity (it's so dry here in AZ, so that makes sense.)

She helped me place a new one today (I just wanted to go over everything to make sure I was doing it right!) and I'm crossing my fingers for this one to last! I also called Dexcom customer service, and while they did ask me a lot of questions, they are sending a replacement sensor right away, so yay!

This is our life

2011-01-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

Every day, I walk into Adam's room and this is what I see.

No longer is his dresser covered with Matchbox cars and Legos.

It's covered with used test strips, empty glucose bottles and various diabetes paraphernalia.

Ducking Fiabetes
(stolen from Laura, and I just could not wait to use it!)

We've had a few long nights. Time for some basal rate changes, as right now it seems that he's running pretty low all night.

And I'm ready to throw the Dexcom out the fricking, fracking window.

If I see ??? one more time, I'm going to scream. WTF does that mean, anyway??

Adam just says, "Mommy, Dexcom says I'm a mystery." (He calls question marks "mysteries.")

Yes, my love. Diabetes is a complete mystery. But we will solve it.

Apidra

2011-01-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

I'm here to report my first impressions of Apidra.

Granted, looking back a few days, I really should NOT have switched to Apidra so soon after starting the pump. I didn't take the time to think about the fact that Apidra may behave differently than Novolog, and therefore, may affect our basal rates...which weren't set in stone and we were still tweaking.

That said...I think I like it.

I'm no expert on insulin, and there is still SO much that I don't know, but I feel like Adam's numbers are more even...the majority of the time, his Dex didn't register above 260 (which right now is our "high" setting) the last few days.

The times we are having a problem with are breakfast and dinner...seems like these are typical times for issues. His post-breakfast BG continues to spike to over 300 (even though it is less with Apidra) so my next step is to try lowering his I:C ratios for breakfast from 1:25 to 1:20. I have been getting good at pre-bolusing at least 5-10 minutes for meals with him (I find it very hard to hold him off any longer in the morning).

Overnight, his numbers have been great with Apidra and throughout the middle of the day. This afternoon, he spiked to 465, but he was grazing like crazy and I suspect he nabbed something without me knowing. But, I bolused him for dinner at 5pm, and just right now at 7:30, he was sitting pretty at 135....so I'm liking the "short tail" on the Apidra. I feel like he settles down into a steady patter quicker than with Novolog.

In other news, we had our first site get pulled out! Of course it was last night, about 5 minutes before I was going to leave for our neighborhood Bunko night. Jason and Adam were wrestling....and, well...it got pulled. But it was all good, because I was going to change his site in the morning anyway. :)

How many carbs are in a cake pop?

2011-01-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend we hosted my wonderful brother-in-law and his girlfriend (whom I already consider my sister-in-law!) and we had a grand time. Especially since my momma kept my kiddos overnight and for the great majority of the next day so we could have a nice dinner out and have some quiet time.

I received the most awesome book from my sister for Christmas - Cake Pops, by the amazing Bakerella. I've been enthralled with her blog since she started it. So naturally, I was excited to check out her book and try some cake pops!

We had lots of fun making them, even if they didn't look as pretty as the ones in the book. :)

So, how many carbs are in a cake pop? According to my fancy figuring and dandy math skillz, I figure about 30 carbs per pop.

Endo appointment today, lots of new stuff

2011-01-18T14:52:00.001-07:00

Gosh, has it really been a week again? I need to catch up.

So, the pump. Wonderful. Thank you ALL who have been so supportive and helping me while I get my bearings with the pump. We've adjusted basals a few times, and right now I *think* we're good, but I'll need to do another good test here soon. We've got about 5 basal rates set up now! But I need a few more nights of sleep first - I ended up getting super sick last week and I think I'm finally over it.

We had our endo appointment today. I have to say, we sure lucked out in the endo department. He is so awesome, and I can tell that he really trusts the parents to know their kids well, and basically whatever I asked for, he said 'yes' to without hesitation. Makes me feel more empowered with Adam's care - I wish all D 'rents had this same experience!

Anyway, first off, I was totally expecting his A1C to be higher because of his surgery, illnesses and switching to the pump, but it was 7.3, which is down from 7.4. Moving in the right direction is what I say!

And thanks to Reyna's awesome post about blood ketone meters, we are now the proud owners of a new meter, 2 free boxes of test strips and a prescription for 10 a month. Which in reality, if they fill it (I'm assuming we won't have a problem with insurance), we'll get 30 at a time which should be PLENTY to have on hand to use if he gets sick or if we need them. So, yay for Reyna! Thanks for keeping us newbies informed on all the latest things to manage diabetes better. :)

In even more exciting news, we are pumping with Apidra today! I was chatting with his endo about how hard it is to see those highs after he eats with the Dexcom, and how I wish Novolog was a FASTER fast-acting insulin. He'd asked if I'd heard of Apidra (which, thanks to my D-mamas, I HAVE!) and he said that if I wanted to I could try it. So I said sure! Worst thing that happens is that it doesn't make much of a difference and we go back to Novolog. I'll keep you all posted on how it goes.

I have quickly become adept at site changes. It's not so hard to me anymore. We had one bad site - we put it in the top of his thigh and it was okay for a day or so, but then we saw a 465 blood sugar that wouldn't come down, and so I pulled it. I couldn't tell what was up with it, so we put it back in his belly. I think it will be a challenge for him to try new spots - he's not thrilled with any place but the belly.

We also moved his Dex from his arms to his belly. Not loving that at all - the readings are SO off and I can't wait until this one falls off and I can put it back on his arm.

That's our news for now....I'm off to catch up on the rest of the DOC!

Crazy, tired mom alert

2011-01-11T17:46:00.000-07:00

I'm tired.

So, so tired.

My kids are giving me a run for my money. Adam's numbers are off in la-la-land and I'm up for another night of every 2 hour checks.

I guess I did the basal testing too soon...Levemir was still in his system, because for the last 2 nights he's been in the high 100's all night long, waking in the 200's. And high all day. ZOMG. Which comes with major attitude, hyperness, craziness....little dude was in his room many, many times today. I LOVE the pump...just wasn't quite prepared for all the confusing changes, etc. I mean I was, but I just hate the thought of him having all these high BGs and having to suffer while I figure it out. His A1C is going to suck next week at our endo appt.

I'm getting sick, too. Well, I think I'm holding it off okay, but I feel all achy and only feel good when I pop the ibuprofen.

I just got back from walking to the mailbox. Reaallllyyy slooooowwwllly. That was my quiet time for today. My plan of getting up early for my quiet time has been thwarted my my sickness and this basal testing. Maybe next week.

First site change

2011-01-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

OMG, I feel so awful right now. I just did my first site change. Alone. (hubby is out of town). And what did I forget to do? Take the tape off of the set! So I injected it WITH THE TAPE ON! And was surprised when it didn't stick! So I had to do it again. And he cried...oh well. This will become second nature at some point, right? ;)

He's happily eating a popsicle now. I feel so bad for hurting him. He cried and I kept apologizing and he finally was like, "Mom. It's OK. Stop saying that." But it's still not fair that I have to do it to him in the first place.

So far so good with the pump! I just love the freedom we have. We did basal testing on Saturday night and I think his basal rate is good. My little carb-a-holic refused to eat anything without carbs on Sunday morning, so he fasted until noon! But...then he wound up with a 101.5 fever. He ate...I bolused...and 2 hours later we ended up with a 465 blood sugar. I corrected and brought it down, but he's still not feeling well and his BG was in the 200's all night long.

I kept him home from school today and I'm still trying to get his BG down. Maybe the site change will help? Who knows.

I do know that I am so glad we are pumping. I know that for *us* and our busy, on-the-go lifestyle it was the right thing to do now. He is THRILLED that he can eat without a shot. I can leave the house without being afraid that we forgot needles or insulin...because he's got everything on board already! I love that I'm not afraid of stacking his insulin anymore with the lovely IOB feature. Especially since we're dealing with some stubborn highs right now.

He has taken to wearing the pump without missing a beat. I have a variety of pump packs for him to wear and sleeping with it hasn't been an issue at all.

So far, so good!

** Edited to say that the site change HAS helped. He was laying by the fireplace a lot this weekend...I wonder if the heat from that made the insulin in his pump bad? Because he hasn't had a fever all day so far. And now his numbers are totally normal, 1 hour after the site change. Hmmm.

We are pumping!

2011-01-07T19:01:00.001-07:00

Just a quick post to say....we are pumping!!

Here's a pic of Adam right after we got him all hooked up and bolused him for his "bribery Starbursts." :)

I first want to thank ALL of you who have commented the last few days. You have given me the strength to know that WE CAN DO THIS, even if we are flying by the seat of our pants. Every comment means so much to me and I am so, so lucky to have the DOC.

Adam did awesome. We had a 3 hour appointment with our CDE and he was a trooper. I got an infusion set inserted and wow...it didn't hurt at all! Then Adam wanted to try one on Jason and "push the button" so he got to do that. Then it was Adam's turn. He cried...was scared of the unknown and wanted to see the needle. In the middle of his crying on and on (I think most of it was kind of fake) I inserted the Inset and he stopped mid-cry and said, "Oh. Dat didn't hurt at all." Then he smiled.

I was so worried about the pain and I agonized over getting some EMLA, but in the end, I'm glad I didn't - he didn't need it (I think a lot of it has to do with his personality type) and when we bolused him for his "bribery Starburst" he was so excited! And then before we knew it, he was telling everyone we saw that he doesn't need needles anymore, Mommy just pushes buttons and I get my insulin!

I am relieved. I still don't know everything about the pump, and I still don't know everything about diabetes (will I ever??) but I am happy to have this hurdle past us. We are moving on with our "new" life as PUMPERS!

Top 10 things I WON'T miss about MDI

2011-01-04T13:37:00.000-07:00

1. Piercing my son's skin upwards of 6 times a day. (in addition to the 8 or so times we prick his finger).

2. The teeny-tiny little marks on the insulin syringe, trying my best to estimate a 1.75 unit dose.

3. Finding syringes and syringe parts all.over.my.house. And then feeling like a biohazard when a friend's kid finds one laying around.

4. Stabbing myself with a needle when cleaning out the diabetes bag.

5. Stabbing myself with a needle when trying to dose insulin on a moving target (the 4 year old that never sits still). Damn, that little needle hurts when it goes into the wrong place!

6. Drawing up insulin in a dark movie theater. Or restaurant. Or the backseat of a car. Rinse, lather, repeat.

7. Guessing at how much insulin he has on board.

8. Trying to find a place on his body to inject him where there isn't a current bruise.

9. Having him choose no food vs. a needle.

10. Giving 3 shots in an hour because of his continuous grazing.

Pump start...t-minus 4 days and counting

2011-01-03T20:02:00.001-07:00

I'm a bad blogger.

Probably because I don't want to acknowledge that we are getting Adam's pump on Friday.

Yes, I should be excited. But I'm scared.

The "attached" thing is getting to me. The tubes. Sleeping with it. Getting it pulled out.

And another little confession....

I cannot bear to read any more of Pumping Insulin. It is boring me to tears.

See? Horrible T1D mom.

I'm afraid that I don't know enough to figure out the pump. We've been flying by the seat of our pants the last few weeks and I feel like I'm just guessing at his insulin ratios these days. I'm not keeping track well.

I'm excited for the freedom. Nervous about the fact that he will have to wear yet another thing. We had a bad Dexcom site last week and I didn't put another one on until yesterday. It was kinda nice, living in ignorance.

But now that I know that I can use these tools to his advantage, I can't just ignore them.

So the countdown begins. Wish us luck.

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T14:20:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas from our home to yours.
Thank you all for helping me through this journey.
Onward and upward....2011, here we come!

Pump start date!

2010-12-23T16:24:00.000-07:00

Well, we finally have a pump start date - January 7th. Luckily our endo lets us jump right to insulin if we feel comfortable, so we don't have to do a saline trial. I am getting very excited and can't wait to start.

Since Adam's surgery, his numbers have been all over the place and I haven't been able to get things back to the "normal" that they were before. I guess that's just diabetes. ::shrug::

Parenting is the single thing that brings me to my knees on a daily basis. Even before Adam’s diagnosis, you walk around each day as a parent, wondering how you are going to screw them up that day.

Parenting a diabetic child and his sibling is even harder. I know you all understand.

So, with that, I am looking forward to the new year. I am ready to bid good riddance to this year and I am praying that I will be able to find my new self this next year. And hopefully I'll like that person a whole lot more than I like this one.